Found out that H broke his promise to stop lying and also about ending all contact with OW outside of work. He continues to cling to her and she to him.
Also had another episode with H and gun and wanting to end his own life.
On the brighter side of things, H still appears to want the two of us to go to Costa Rica for a week in early 2004. He has also brought up other ideas that include us both.
This would normally bring me some relief, but in light of all the recent deceitfulness, it's difficult for me to trust his intent.
I'm feeling pretty wiped out right now, worn thin by all the disappointment and shiftiness of my home life. I feel like I've been running in a marathon (we all know that feeling) and every time I try to take a step forward, I get whacked in the knees. It's getting harder and harder to get back up.
Wish I could be more positive right now, and yes, I know that there has been some progress. However, I feel my momentum is grinding low and I'm afraid that unless I gradually start to draw some lines in the sand, this will go on indefinately. OW is with him everyday, all day long at work, and he has admitted to still being infatuated with her. And just as Michelle and other's have said, "If you are dedicated to saving your marriage, you need to stop the affair--cold turkey."
So, so long as she continues to work with him, there may never come the day when the tie is broken. He said that he cannot fire her, and it is obvious to me that she has no intention of going away. He also admitted that he still thinks about living on his own, yet he is uncomfortable with me moving on with my life in regard to seeing other men. The double standard is alive and well here.
As I see it, H is not truly committed to working on this marriage to the degree needed at this time.
I'm angry and I'm venting. Please forgive my attitude.
H still appears to want the two of us to go to Costa Rica for a week in early 2004. He has also brought up other ideas that include us both.
