Bring on the Rain

[LL44]

It always hurt OW's H to tell me things (I was the one SO out of the loop), but then I went and did it to him in November when they started to see each other again and OW's H did not know. Sue, you would want HIM to tell YOU anything he knew, if you were misinformed. It hurts, but its the right thing. I am glad you kept the article to yourself. I feel for him, heck, we all do, we know where he is at this point in time.

Good job on tackling your money issues and gathering boxes. Boxes can always be thrown away if not needed. I am super proud of you!

[fightingirish]

sues,

Just checking in with you... more of a lurker these days

Your doing great, its so so sad to hear about OW H. Its just bad all the way around. but I think was is worse is that he doesn't want to believe it, and keeps on pleading. So sad.

Life if tough enough with the day to day bullSH$$.. and then to deal with you S's lying and munipulating is just a topper.

You have gotten to a better place, you can hear it in your post. Of course not every day will be good, but it seems your having more good days then bad.

Hang in there sweetie!!

[SueS]

Hi!!

lwb & tal- Hi ladies. Thanks for stopping by.

It's a rainy day here in MN, but that's okay. I kind of like the rain every once in a while.

I had a few down days thinking of some things but I'm feeling better today. I broke down while on the phone with my mom last night. D4 saw me. She came over, gave me a hug and told me she loved me. My mom made a comment last night that kind of opened my eyes a little more about my H. She asked me exactly what was wrong. I said, well, work has been busy, which is good. But then I have to come home, the house is dirty, I want to spend time with D4, but I have to clean, bathe her, feed her and find time to straighten out my finances and find a place to live. My mom's comment was......while H just goes on his path forward and doing what he wants to do. The part of her comment that struck a cord with me was that he's just moving forward. You might be saying.....Ah, Sue, we already knew that. But see, my H has always created messes and then just walks away, expecting someone else (usually me) to clean it up. I was mostly thinking of financial problems when my mom said that, but it's not just financial. H will order something (a product or service) and then when he doesn't like it, he'll ask me to take care of it (return it, cancel it...etc). He didn't like our cable and wanted to order Direct TV. The cable is in my name, but was a bill he paid. When he cancelled cable, he just let the balance due go unpaid. I just found out recently that it is now in collections.....under my name. He ordered a couple of online services and had them billed to our joint checking account (before the A). He told me to cancel them. When I told him that I couldn't because I didn't order them, he told me to find a way to. Those are just two examples and it's in the financial area, but that spreads throughout all aspects of his life. I don't want to clean up his messes any more.

Well, I do need to get some things done here, so I'm signing off for now.

-Sue

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Sue,

One of the things I was taught to say to my wife during (and after) her affair was: "This is your mess; you clean it up."

I liked that.

Puppy

[SueS]

Hi everyone-

Puppy! How fortunate am I that you've come to visit me again! Thanks. I know what you're saying about this A and other things being my H's mess. I guess part of my problem is I just want it over. I don't want to hurt any more and I feel like I'll do things....including clean up small messes of his just to get to the point. The A....yep, totally his mess and I have no intention of helping him with that if he ever needs it.

Journaling........
Well, I guess I'll start where I left off......Thursday, 4/24. It was pretty quiet. I let D4 call H at work to say good night. He went out and got home at 3:00 am. He tried to come into our room, but the second he laid on the bed, he passed out. I got up and went to sleep on the couch. Will he ever grow up?

Friday......
Answer to my previous question......doesn't appear that way. Work was good. I sent in a big payment to start getting some things paid down & out of the way. I picked D4 up from work and we just headed home. It was yucky & rainy. H called on his way home to ask me to turn the oven on for him. He came home, ate, fell asleep on the couch.....and then..... Yes, he went out. I was angry about the way he did it. D4 was out with him in the living room. She came in with me and then said she was going back out by her dad. That was 10:00. He was gone. I don't know what got into me, but I called. I asked how he could just walk out the door without a word. I told him that D4 was upset because he'd just left. He gave some crap excuse about how he thought she was coming in with me to go to sleep. I just hung up. Another late night for H....2:35 am. He didn't try to come into the bedroom this time. I just heard him come home.

Saturday/Sunday........
Cold, yucky days again. Didn't do much other than go get my hair cut. I went through some closets, played some games with D4. Really, a very uneventful weekend. H asked me again if I was going to go home with him in May. I don't think I will. I just don't feel right doing it. Why should I? I'm there as a babysitter, not as his wife any more. Plus, it's Mother's Day weekend. I don't want to be in a car on an 8 hr. drive on my day.

I've been increasingly angry the past week or two. I'm thankful for the even closer bond that D4 and I have developed, but I'm angry for the way H has just moved on to basically living a single man's life and left us behind. I stop and wonder how my 17 years with this man has come to this. I'm angry that I could have 3 more months of living this way before our lease is up. I lean more each day toward trying to see if I could end our lease early. I have a very, very difficult time being friendly or nice toward my H. As my C said, the shade has shut for me. I don't want it that way. I don't want him to just walk away and get all he wants, but I don't want a nasty relationship with him either.

One highlight for the morning. I woke D4 up and put some clothes on her bed. She came all sleepy eyed into my room with her clothes in her arms. She asked me to help her get dressed & then I got a HUGE hug and kiss. I'd be lost without her.

Thanks- Sue

[fightingirish]

Sues..

Im sorry for your D4... This will not be the last time he dissapoints her, and if he ever does wake up, it will be too late for him.. I thank god she has you.

I would be lost without my kids too sue, I get depressed every time I think of my S5 going to kindergarten this yr.

It amazing that we have been married so long, and still not know our S's...

((((hugs))))

[SueS]

Hi tal-

Thanks for coming by. I need to get to your thread and check up on you too.

So, here's the latest...........
H has asked me twice now if I am going to go to Chicago with him next weekend. Both times I told him I didn't know. He just called me and was a complete a$$.

Him- So, are you trying to get back at me by not going to Chicago with me?
Me - No. That's not it at all.
Him- Well, if I can't find a cheap flight, then I'm driving and taking D4. She wants to see my dad & her cousin. I'll call SIL and see if she can watch her on Friday night and Saturday.
Me- Well then I guess I have to go because I'm not being without my daughter on Mother's Day.
Him- Oh,...... well then what if I told you that you can't go with me and I don't want you to go.
Me- You'd actually be that cruel as to make me be without my daughter on Mother's Day.
Him- (kind of chuckled)....Yeah, maybe.
Me- Well then I guess I'm going because I will not be without her on Mother's Day.
Him- Okay, I'll check for flights and if I can't find one I'll let you know tonight when I get home.

What the hell is he doing to me? He's clear that he no longer loves me and doesn't want me in his life but yet he'll talk to me like that and basically force me to go or be without D4 on Mother's Day?

I'm scared that this is what it's going to be like. He'll do what he wants and then still badger me and use D4. I know if I tell him no and that I don't want him to take her that he'll use it against me by saying that I won't let her see his family.

I want out and away from this pain.

SueS

[mcojh]

Sue-

He is an a-hole. You need to protect yourself. Have you considered an attorney and getting a temporary custody agreement/legal seperation? That takes care of the whole thing.

Do you really want to be trapped in a car with him? I can guarantee there will be no cheap flights this close to Mom's day.

[Sara]

In the interest of getting along with him, I guess you have to act like he was teasing you. But it isn't nice. And you didn't feel teased. I'm sorry he's an ass.

[fightingirish]

It sounds like he was trying to push your buttons on purpose because you were not giving him the answer he wanted.

ignore it, he is acting like he's 2, and he's not going to change.

I would do what Mc suggested if you really don't want to go. I wouldn't leave my children either on Mom's day, especially since all that is going on with him.

If you tell him that he cannot take her without you, and he doesn't want you to go, what do you think he would do??

I would say let him make that comment about his family, then I would say to him "would you like me to tell them why she isn't going and why Im not going?, that may shut him up.

I don't think its a good idea for you to be in a car with him that long...
what state are you in? I want to check some flights for you.