I need to work out a way to communicate this to him, my frustration at his passivity and the fact that he seems to be waiting for his feelings to change all by themselves - he's letting himself be ruled by his emotions (or lack of) in this case, rather than taking the lead.
Ingrid - I'm going to take a guess that you, like me, are the "fixer" in your R. True? If so, and he is distancing, I think it is helpful to take a step back and do nothing (whatever that is by your definition) and see if he steps closer to you. Give him the opportunity to step up his game instead of stepping in for him.
I've read Harley's books, and they didn't really help me much. My H focused on his needs that weren't being met instead of taking the opportunity to understand what my needs were. Same thing with Love Languages. (Lordy I have read a lot of R books!)
Sometimes, the harder we hold on to something the quicker it slips through our grasp. The key is to somehow hold on, just enough, while taking care of you. Tell me what else you are doing for yourself these days besides book club?
The last few nights, I've been wearing a sexy nightgown under my robe. I'm sure H noticed even though he said nothing. We actually had a tension free weekend, even though there was no pysical affection. I mentioned that on the other board, and someone posted that "absence of tension" is an initial baby step. (btw - there is a hidden board on the other site which is where I post - you just need to ask for access).
I can feel your angst and hope you can find some ways to release it for yourself. Be happy in spite of your problems, and the happiness will flow into your M.
