H is away at company golfing event today, so I'm taking this time to journal.
What has been going well lately:
• H has said ILY. • H has initiated plans for us. • H has shown interest in projects for our home. • H has been forthcoming in many of the questions that I have asked him about his whereabouts and the status of his relationship with OW. • H said that he has been pushing the OW away. • H has been showing more tenderness. • H and I have twice worn our wedding rings when going out together. • I’ve started counseling. • I’m getting help from the Alzheimer’s organization with the care of my mom and her H. • I’ve been making plans to do things just for me on those days when the “Cares” helpers are here to watch over the “folks”, like taking myself out to lunch now and then.
What hasn’t been going so well lately:
• H is going to Orlando for another set of exams and says that he will be staying overnight again so that he can party. Doesn’t want me along because apparently he doesn’t feel he can have as much fun with me around. Says he feels he needs to give all his attention to me and is not free to drink, smoke and visit with others as much as he’d like. • H continues to keep his black bag and his cell phone out of my immediate view. It feels like he still is being somewhat secretive. • H is still coming up short on speaking my love language. • According to H, OW is still pursuing him. • H still has those moments of what appears to be “the OW funk”. • My health continues to be a problem, not able to put weight on, still under 100lbs.
I still feel unsteady on my feet in my present situation, obviously, so does H. I’ve told him that I understand that this is difficult for him too and have had to apologize a few times for overstepping certain subtle boundaries that are his.
My confidence is still wobbly, but I understand that this comes with time and small successful steps.
