seek, that is what keeps me going to. I am an action oriented person. I have to feel like I am doing something. I really feel like even though I am pretty dark right now, it is an action that I am controlling. I feel much more in control of myself.
Gypsy, that yoga 'edge' sounds like exactly what I am feeling right now. I am right in between uncomfortable and painful. Sometimes my emotions go to the more painful side, but I do my best to get them back over to the uncomfortable side. I know I need to test myself on a personal level and see that I can find my own happiness, with or without H. That is my stretching for now.
BobbiJo, I have been following your thread for a little while now, but I had never posted to it until today. I feel insecure about giving others advice when I feel like I am screwing this up royally myself! lol When I read the developments in your sitch this morning, I just had to post to it. I have learned over the past 2 months that I have to be prepared to see H. If I see him unexpectedly, it always ends in disaster. If you are afraid of the same thing happening with you, I would make sure you at least always know when you will see him so you can be prepared. Those cheeseless tunnels are a killer for me too. I keep taking H's temperature knowing full well that he is completely cold. I don't know why I have kept doing that, but I have been able to resist it recently. I have seen a lot of similarities with your sitch. I had that feeling of "not getting a vote" as well. It is so difficult when my kids are with him, and I miss them like crazy. That is when I really resent him for not giving me a vote. I have to miss my kids terribly, and I did not even choose this. I have just had to let that go, and try to do positive things for myself in those times. I agree that in the end we have to feel like we gave it our all before we can just let go. If I just let H walk away without even trying to make it work out, I know that I would regret it for the rest of my life. That "what if" factor would just eat away at me. What if I had given him more time? What if I had DBed instead of folding my cards? I can't live like that. I don't think I could ever move on unless I knew that I had done everything to make this right. Thanks for reading my sitch. I'll keep posting until I know I have done everything I could.
