H is away at company golfing event today, so I'm taking this time to journal.
What has been going well lately:
• H has said ILY. • H has initiated plans for us. • H has shown interest in projects for our home. • H has been forthcoming in many of the questions that I have asked him about his whereabouts and the status of his relationship with OW. • H said that he has been pushing the OW away. • H has been showing more tenderness. • H and I have twice worn our wedding rings when going out together. • I’ve started counseling. • I’m getting help from the Alzheimer’s organization with the care of my mom and her H. • I’ve been making plans to do things just for me on those days when the “Cares” helpers are here to watch over the “folks”, like taking myself out to lunch now and then.
What hasn’t been going so well lately:
• H is going to Orlando for another set of exams and says that he will be staying overnight again so that he can party. Doesn’t want me along because apparently he doesn’t feel he can have as much fun with me around. Says he feels he needs to give all his attention to me and is not free to drink, smoke and visit with others as much as he’d like. • H continues to keep his black bag and his cell phone out of my immediate view. It feels like he still is being somewhat secretive. • H is still coming up short on speaking my love language. • According to H, OW is still pursuing him. • H still has those moments of what appears to be “the OW funk”. • My health continues to be a problem, not able to put weight on, still under 100lbs.
I still feel unsteady on my feet in my present situation, obviously, so does H. I’ve told him that I understand that this is difficult for him too and have had to apologize a few times for overstepping certain subtle boundaries that are his.
My confidence is still wobbly, but I understand that this comes with time and small successful steps.
Jeannine -- Wow. I'm seeing SO much great stuff going on in your sitch right now -- I know things are still wobbly and will likely be for some time but can you believe how far you and h have come?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Keep a rein on those expectations. Don't expect leaps and bounds, and expect him to fall back. It's like a dance - there's going to be backward steps. Don't let them wear you down.
There has been some slipping and sliding over the past four days, but overall, I’ve seen some real positives coming from H.
On Sunday, after my H had arrived home from his company’s golfing event considerably later than expected, he showed me more tenderness and attention then I can remember over all these years. He said, amidst many hugs and kisses that he’d missed me, and that he actually looked forward to coming home and being with me. I was depressed due to his lateness setting off old fears, but he was completely understanding, patient and kind. He took my hands into his, looked me straight in the eyes, and asked me tenderly if there was anything, he could do to make me feel better.
We talked for some time, his arm around me the whole while and at one point in the conversation, he told me that OW was not right for him. He also told me that I am prettier than her.
Last night, once again, he came home later than expected and once again I felt down. He assured me that he was not avoiding me, that he’d got caught up at work. He said that he had also been doing some “thinking”. He was thinking of dialogue he would you use to tell other woman, that it is over. I did not inquire any further, figured that that was a good place to leave off.
Still sensing some doubt with his comfort level regarding our M. He’d made a remark on Sunday that pointed to this feeling. He said “I don’t know, maybe I just expect too much out of life”. This was said in the context of our marital status and what lead to the affair.
I suppose this is where I step up to the plate and show him that his efforts are not wasted.
Think about your positives, what you do to make him feel better about himself, and his self-worth. His dissatisfaction is probably with other pieces of his life, but as you've learned liking yourself as a person helps you like the rest of your world as well. Don't accept full responsibility, though, and expect to take small steps and take time. In the meantime, enjoy the new spark!
the link before that was: 
