Well, I think it's time to start a new thread, and a frame of mind.
After getting some lectures from both my C and my Dr. about considering "moving on with my life"--as H's midlife transition stage could very well outlast my sanity, I did get on meds, as I convinced them both that I am not quite ready to give up on H yet.
I an going to try some new things from here on out. First thing is to take care of myself. I have to remember to be gentle and patient with myself because I have had to deal with quite a lot, going back over the last 2 years or so of H starting to weird out and take things out on me. Meds are the first care package to myself--hopefully that will help me with depression and anxiety so I can get a grip on my emotions and sleep an eat normally again.
I am going to reconnect with friends (stop isolating), and start doing some fun things for myself that I have stopped doing since bomb dropped.
I am going to not be quite so available for H's phone calls, and begin detaching a quite a bit. For all I know, he will talk forever and a day about resolving problems, but never get down to doing what we talk about doing. For all I know, he may wait for hell to freeze over before coming home. I just have no control over what he will do, but I do know that allowing someone who is so confused to control me and my life is not wise.
I am going to work on trying to have a positive attitude about both my sitch and my H. I'm going to start a new thread for myself and also one for everyone to post things they like about their H/W. I like what Sage is doing with pulling out her fears and assumptions and really looking at them under a strong light, so I think I'm going to start out my new thread on that kind of tone. I want to approach my sitch with a beginner's mind and I think that will help.
