He came this am as usual to take care of d5, didn't say anything about me painting over the mural we were both working on (it was looking good, but I couldnt' finish it by myself, he's the better artist, it was "our" project, he stopped working on it after I found out about ow last year). On my way out I saw ow's parking tag on his car...and it didnt' hurt. I used to get physically ill just looking at it, knowing he came from her despite his claims these past 2mths that he was just "talking" with her. I used to tremble and think of ways about being inflexible with stuff we had to deal with still. Not anymore, I actually didnt' give a da*n, I didn't. Thank you God. It feels so good, to know I have let go of that monkey off my back. Some thought tried to claw its way in my brain, about them together, but they were unsuccessful, I told them "I've btdt, you bring me nothing but misery, I've spent wayyyy to much time with you all, good bye"
Lol, we haven not decided on the shed, we just didnt' have time, perhaps tomorrow. Still dealing with some bills. and perhaps I'm being petty, but it really annoys me he took all our dvds (most of them copies) and won't bring them, claiming he copy them, and 2 other things he took I want. I dont' want to start a fight about stuff that can be replaced, just annoys me a bit.
Had lunch after church with this wonderful lady who comes to church with her 2 kids, i assumed she was D or her H wasn't a believer and didnt' come. So asked her at the table "is your H joining us?" and she said he'd passed away 4yrs ago (ouch! I wanted to bite my tongue!). After dessert we started talking, and she told me how she had been married 2x, the first guy was someone from our same religion... who cheated on her like crazy, even as she was pregnant, how she cried and how he tried to make her think she was the crazy one when she suspected something was amiss. After the D, 2yrs later, she met her late H, whom she says gave her more wonderful memories in 6mths than in the the years she was with xH. How he enjoyed life each day and made her feel so happy everyday, her H was loving and giving to all, put her above himself. Even on his deathbed, his hospital room mate's mother told her he'd greet her with a smile and made her laugh. My friend said she wasn't looking for another R, but if she did, she wouldnt' accept anything less than what she had. That really got to me, and realized, that is exactly the kind of man/R I want, that if it is God will I M again, to be to a man like that, wont take anything less.
Feeling great, God is good.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
