For the guys with kids and a WAW

[hopeful4her]

Thanks to everyone who has posted. Each one of you has given me some insight from your life experiences that are invaluable. Fantastic thoughts.

WDID, thank you. Your insight is especially invaluable. You can give us the view from the inside that we need so much.

Sir, words of wisdom that I will mostly act on at some point. Keeping track of things with the kids is first on the list.

Puppy, you are not hokey. Some people are driven by the Holy Spirit to help others. I have a new coworker this year who was going through a divorce when I met him. He was being a WS and strangely enough, he was actually helping me to GAL. He was living it up, but I could tell that he was not truly happy and when his W filed for divorce, he was upset. I talked to him everyday and gave him my perspective and what I believe is Gods perspective. He tried to help me have fun. He is now reunited with his W. I did play a part. I have seen it work. It can be done. He gives me hope. God can move mountains.

Puppy, my parents do know that WW wants out of the marriage through conversations with me and WW talking to my mother. They are at the point of having nothing to do with her, but will remain friendly because of the kids. They are very confused. They may have an idea, but do not tell me anything.

You may be right. It seems like the time is ripe for something to happen.

Sunday morning, get breakfast going as usual and everyone wakes up by themselves. The smell of coffe, bacon and pancakes always does that. It is just WW, myself and D11. D6 was still at grandma's, and S14 spent the weekend with his BF(biological father). Normal interactions, eating, small talk. We begin to get ready for church and I find WW on computer looking at bank account. She then announces to me that she is not going to church and that she going to go pick up D6. I ask if she is sure, and quickly responds, "Positive. I am going to spend some time with her."

Now, since she figured out that my check was no longer going into the bank account the other day and mentioned it to me, I had told her that I was going to put some money into it. I forgot. She probably saw the account was low and got pi**ed. D11 found out WW was not going to church and asked if she could hang out with mom. WW agreed, so I got ready and left for church. 5 minutes after leaving, I called WW to warn her about a state trooper on the highway. It sounded like she was already getting in the car to leave. Just before I get to church, I call her back and ask if she will consider coming to church because we skipped last week. Again, with out thinking she said OK. A little stern, but OK.

She finally shows up and sits next to me. During our greet time, no greeting for me. No handshake. I usually get my hug here. Ok, she's definatly pi**ed at me. I was guessing before, but now I no for sure. Pastor stressed the repentance of sins, today. Giving it to God. We will be forgiven, but we have to repent. Please listen, I think to myself. At the end of the sermon, I go to the altar to pray and she is right there next to me. I am praying, she is praying and sobbing. After a while, we all go back to our seats, but WW stays and is the last one. She stays at the altar until we are dismissed.

We quietly walk to go get D11, and I can't stand it anymore. We are outside the childrens building and I ask her what happpened this morning. She shrugs and says "nothing" and starts crying again. I tell her I know it is the account, and I apologize for not depositing money. She says "as long as there is money for groceries, I don't care anymore." I apologize again and tell her that she's the one that told me what she wanted. She cuts me off and says "and I still do. It is making things easier to seperate. This is not the place." She is crying and D11 comes out and we head to our cars. I am thinking to myself, she tells me one thing, but does she really mean it? Does she really want to leave me?

At her car, I ask what she was planning after picking up D6. She mentioned a couple of stores and D11 whines. She asks me what I wanted to do. I am surprised at her question. I throw out some ideas and she tells me to leave my car and ride with them. On the way to my parents, she asks me about picking up some pan dulce(sweet bread for you gringos). Pick up D6, pick up some pan dulce and head to a pizza buffet. We are talking. I am giving her pieces of the bread to eat while she is driving. All back to normal. After a few hours of eating and game playing, head home. I begin to work on the cars, she is cleaning the kitchen. Nephew and friend are home and WW jokes about getting them to work on the yard. I take charge and tell the boys to work on the leaves outside. Everyone is doing something. I know that WW noticed. Usually, WW will not tell the boys to do something. She expects them to be mind readers and take the initative. They don't and it builds up in her until she explodes one day. I usually want her to say something to them, because I want her to say something to the boys, not me. Tell them what you want. She just has a problem doing this. I think she has always wanted me to take charge, but I didn't. I did this time and she noticed. I am not the same.

I keep thinking of a movie with Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony. I true story about some singer in the 70's. At some point, he is cheating on her and taking drugs. They are fighting and he tells her he wants out. She screams at him, "You are never going to leave me! NEVER!!" I want to tell WW this.

She asks me questions about the Power of Attorney we talked about on Saturday and takes out a copy of the one her client gave to her to look over. That tells me that the reason she went to the law section at the bookstore was to look at info on POA's. It just so happened to have divorce and custody books, also. Still not sure.

We talk about her client again, and print out a different POA to give him to look at. I am enjoying our time together. She even came out of the shower in a towel and changed into her night gown in front of me. Not facing me, but still. The night before, she did the same thing. Surprised the heck out of me. Took her pants off right in front of me.

OK, cut it out. Thats my wife your picturing.

WW gets up in the middle of the night with acid reflux and comes back to bed. I get up and get her a cough drop for her coughing and clearing her throat. In the morning, I make my lunch and ask her if she wants lunch. She says yes, and I make her a lunch. I have to leave early again, and I am still considering hugging her goodbye, but decide against.

I am leaving and she tell me to have a good day and thanks me for her lunch.

I am going to kill this woman with love and kindness. I have my 2x4 waiting, though. At some point, I will do like WDID said. Sit her down again and ask her what it is that we can do. Together. Her actions say something different that her words. Compared to others on this board, I seeminly have it easy.

I do feel in control.