Arthur, thanks for reading my sitch. I am not chasing him right now. That has been one of my mistakes before. I don't want to go back to that. I even put a note in my Blackberry to read when I am tempted to call him. It essentially tells me not to call him, not to backslide, that he will eventually come around. I just have to give him the time and space to do it. I have been using this board and a journal to say the things that I want to say to him. I have to get it out.
Gypsy, yes it was VERY empowering to deal with my issues with Dad. I felt so good driving home yesterday. I really feel like I have a new start emotionally. So much of my actions and feelings have stemmed from my childhood pain. It is like letting that go has given me a new place to grow from. Now I just have to figure out who I am without the pain I have been holding onto. It has been such a huge part of me for so long. It is refreshing to know that I can be a better person now.
I hate this "at my wits end" feeling. That is the reason my name here is Edge. I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff and I don't really want to jump off. I am trying so hard to stay on solid ground, but H has already jumped. Do I jump after him? or do I walk away from the cliff and continue my own life without him? It is really hard. Thanks for the "strength" comments. I don't feel very strong sometimes, but I am trying so hard! That made me feel so good. Thank you.
