Yeah, you guys, it was pretty cool to actually be able to talk about that stuff and find that H actually responded and responded in a very appropriate way. No looking at his shoes and grunting and shutting down. Umm...who was that masked man?
I'm still in shock that he brought up the issue in the first place!!! In the past, if he had a clue that I was troubled over something to do with him, he would avoid any conversation about it at any cost. Basically, he behaved like a great big chicken-s**t when it came to any conversation about our R, especially if he new I was upset about anything.
Something has changed drastically. I feel now like I can start to ask for reassurance more directly and have a strong likelihood that I will get it if I ask. I also can clearly see that he's sometimes being considerate of my feelings instead of only thinking about himself and his feelings.
Both of these things combined make me feel a lot less anxious.
When he called this morning, I told him that if he was waiting to come home until he felt comfortable 100% of the time that he would be waiting for years as that was unrealistic. I said it was equally unrealistic to wait for me to be 100% free of hurt and anger.
We're going to be, individually and together, works in progress for a long, long time. That's part of the journey, right?
I told him that his staying away was adding to my anxiety and insecurity levels and making it much harder to heal. I asked him to factor that into the equasion unstead of just going by his own comfort level. ******* Could be that I'm pushing, but I think my request is fair.
Hey, I just had a weird thought: with all of the significant changes I'm seeing in H...I think he's DB'ing better than me. I'd better work harder at it!
