Yesterday was a good day. We went on a picnic, rode the ferry, did window shopping, and ended up having dinner outside and listening to live jazz, then turned around to come home. H said it was to celebrate our annaversary, as we hadn't had a proper chance to.
When we got home, we talked for awhile. I asked H why he kept saying he missed me so much, but hadn't come home yet. H said he wanted to make sure we had gotten things worked out and that we could both handle it before he moves back in, but that we'd made so much progress so fast that he didn't think it would be much longer before he reached a comfort level. Said he didn't feel anxious all the time like he did after the bomb, and felt comfortable most of the time.
He asked straight out what had been bothering me and what had "jumped out" at me that led me to call him at work and ask for reassurance.
So, I told him about what had happened with the Instant Message thingy. I had expected him to be disturbed about the whole thing FOR HIMSELF, but he wasn't, he was disturbed for my sake and for how it had made me feel. He apologized whole-heartedly for his actions that lead to me finding that crap at all.
I explained that I wanted him back, but not at any cost, and reminded that we had to negotiate a new relationship on new terms.
I told him the details of what I expect in terms of monogamy and not keeping secrets and taking me seriously when I say something is SERIOUS.
He said he'd been putting a lot of thought and work into those very things with his IC.
Then he talked about the state of mind he'd been in--very deep in an MLC depression--but not really understnding that it was depression--which had caused him to be desperate to find any little thing to make himself feel a little better.
And he had lost sight of how much I meant to him, and all of the things he liked and loved about me. Then he gave me a whole bunch of examples of the things he now remembered that he liked and loved about me.
H also said he'd not be secretive with me in the future and be very careful not to put himself in slippery places because he never wanted to put me, our family, or himself through anything like this ever again.
So, I don't have to list three positives today. It was ALL good.
