Thanks sooo much for posting...I wanted to come on this weekend but h was here and everytime I would go on the interent, he would pop up and ask what I was doing...
I kept my pma up...yesterday was hard, h brought up the subject of us stop smoking, I told him as soon as I can get into the doc. and get some zanex (not sure how to spell it) he knows that I have been having a hard time with all this information about him and the young girl, I have been honest with him about how much it hurt me and how insecure I am about how old I am (she was only 21). So what does he do yesterday???? He says that I am 51 and that I need to stop smoking cause I dont have much time left...our now 15 year old D was sitting right there, saw how it hurt me, and said "dad, you dont say that to a girl"...I could not help but break...walked towards the bathroom..crying and he came after me saying how sorry he was and that wasnt what he meant... Then last when we went to bed...(he finally didnt loose his e); but then he couldnt fall asleep, I felt something wrong, told him he could have my side of the bed..he was thankful, but still he toss and turned, I rubed his back..asked if he wanted me to rub his head (it helps to relaxe) he said, he was fine and not for me to "fuss" over him..I responded by saying that he needed to make up his mind, he just told me that he loves the atention I give him..and loves that I have broken my "independeance" and now I am fussing over him...he said that he didnt want to hurt my feelings (I guess that he was being gentle about how he told me not to fuss)...well, he did lighten up and played around (ticled me etc..) and said that he had pains in his chest..I told him it was gas..and that I do have some nursing exsperience and that he should of just told me what was bothering him in the first place..he agreed and soon he was asleep.
This morning he was at first a bit distant (but he does have a speech to give at school today) I kept my pma up and helped him find stuff... and then when he left he kissed me told me that he would score for me at basket ball (yep he took basket ball with all those young kids..and boy does he hurt from it).
I dont know, sometimes I just wonder about him...how could he just put everything in the past so fast...and act like nothing ever happened? And be so mean at times??????
I really need to know about this second bomb???? How do you know that it is about to happen? Is there signs like the first one? And why do they do it????
I guess I am at home today..work didnt call, so I will try and come on alot...and get my head in the right place...I am working hard on not dwelling...hard for me, but I know I can do it.
Love ya all And thanks for all your loving suporting words!!!!I know I can do this with all of your help!!! Liz7
