This ain't nothing but a "thang" as my good friend Willwin is fond of saying.
Now don't get me wrong...I know ALL about the knives to the heart that finding such stuff can cause. Anyone who has followed my earlier threads knows that!
My H wrote love letters, wrote a list of things being with OW "ruined" for him forever...as in he could never enjoy them without her (Sunsets, ocean waves, cuddling, sex...ugh!!!). I read about his plans to move across country with her, she even e-mailed me a copy of his plane ticket itinerary! (all of this was stuff she "kindly" sent to me so that I knew what had been going on ).
My H also lied to us both...waited until I was at work to call her, gave her my work schedule, told me he had "business trips", told her I'd caught him packing his bags and threw a fit...never happened...we were in C at the time and I thought we were working things out!!!
Okay I could go on and on, but what's the point? What I really want to tell you is to feel this pain, ride it through, let it roll over you. It's the past. It feels like the present because it just jumped into your face today, but IT IS THE PAST!
Sure, it may set you back some, but don't let it derail you. Things have been going really well for you two. I don't know if you brought this up with your H or ever will.
Every sitch is different and we are all at different points on this journey. If messages from the past jumped out at me at this point, I would likely tell my H what happened...if only to explain why I was hurting so much today. (And yes, it would still hurt, would reopen some nearly healed wounds). I'd reassure him that I'm happy with where things are going, but such reminders are really, really hard to handle.
And also in your sitch, being fairly new, I don't imagine you've yet felt comfortable enough to share with your H the depth of the hurt and agony his actions have caused you. If now is not the right time, hold onto the notion that at some point he WILL hear your pain.
It took several months for me to open the floodgates (in our second C session, after CJ had said his goal was to work on our M). It was only then, and after reading some of SAD's threads that the enormity of what he had done hit him. Until then there was a lot of denial, blame shifting and rationalization. He spent the better part of two days withdrawn and silent. I feared I'd pushed him too far...but he just felt so BAD for what he'd done...and things slowly improved from there.
Deep breaths, Tal. It's old news. Today sucks, tomorrow will be better. Trust me...been there, and back!
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