AmyC

[Dom R]

Talking about you "spiritually dying if you suffered in your marriage any further", is new age mysticism mumbo jumbo.

I didn't make the statement that you put in quotations, Dom.
I said if I'd have stayed in that place I allowed guilt to take me, I'd have died spiritually.

Ah, sorry that I misunderstood your context for "spiritually dying". Thank you for clearing up that misunderstanding.

I say divorce, because the way you wrote that you were "moving on", made it sound like you were totally giving up on your marriage, and proceeding in the direction of divorce.
Again, if this is a false assumption on my part, please let make know, and I will apologise for the misunderstanding.

I do NOT feel released to actually file a complaint for divorce yet.

But I refuse to wear the shackles anymore.

So I did read you correctly on that one, at least.

Lots of interesting nuances to what you wrote there.
"marriage == shackles", eh?

well.. yes. it can be like that sometimes. Marriage is a "bond". That bond can be either a comfortable, or uncomfortable one.
When it's uncomfortable, it can feel like shackles, no argument there.

So... what are you using as your yardstick to determine when to "throw off your shackles" and file for divorce, then?
When it 'feels right' to you?
Or, when you have biblical justification for divorce?

Is your higher level goal "not having to try so hard", at least for a time of rest for yourself. And divorce is the only way you can foresee having "rest" for yourself?

In theory, that's what the original intent of separation was: a cooling off period.
Nowadays, most people use it as an excuse and license to go screw other people, rather than "a time apart to regain calm and reflect on the marriage". But... I think that's what it's *supposed* to be for, personally.

In a separation, you can be completely dark, except for things that you have to deal with together.
Those things that you "have to deal with" together, still have to be dealt with even after divorce, for the most part.
So divorce wont solve anything there.

What are you looking for?
A new man?
Or rest?