How do they walk away?

[newnamenewlife]

OK, this is going to sound shallow, but why does everyone on this board besides me seem to LOSE weight while stress makes me GAIN? I know we are all in pain and I am not diminishing anyone's sadness. My sitch has made me less interested in exercise, much more interested in wine and cheese and chocolate and comfort foods. So I have put on a few pounds. If I'm going to feel this crappy, I wish weight loss went along with it for me!

[Treese]

Well, I really need some help tonight...for some reason this seems to be a really bad day for me...nothing in paticular happened....just seem to be really missing my H...maybe warmer weather....maybe it's just all getting to me...

So, here I am because I can't sleep....I have to get up for work at 5 am and my head is pounding...I feel sick to my stomach...and I can't get H out of my head or the OW.....why do I give them so much of my brain...He just drives away like it's nothing....

I wonder if I'll ever get another chance at my M....my H isn't confrontational, so he won't ever fight with OW...he never really fought with me, which is why I don't get any of this BS... He will just go with the flow and do whatever she says, and from what I hear she is just like him...so maybe they were made for each other and I should give up....but I don't want to give up....

I want H to have the ahahhhhh moment and realize what he did was not the right thing and come home....I know I sound like a sobbing mess, and right now I am but I am stuck, really stuck...
I can't find a counselor...so I'm struggling with this on my own...no one to talk to....all my friends just want me to forget him and move on....mom cries if I cry....I'm on meds, obviously they're not working....on twice a day instead of once...
I've been crying for hours.....I don't take in enough liquids for this much crying....I feel as though I'm going to have a nervous breakdown....maybe then I'll change my life.....


So, why come here.... cause you all said I could vent here...I want to call my H but I know I'm supposed to give him his space..he is happy and free...and I am sad and sooooooo very lonely.....I don't want to sleep alone....I don't want to be alone when I'm old....I want to be with my H...forever....why can't he see that....he never gave us a chance...he just said he doesn't love me and he can't help the way he feels....so why can't I just MOVE ON!!! I feel like I'm going crazy.....

And I am trying to focus on me....I do do things for me and my kids...but H does not leave my head....

So, what do I do??? I need someone to talk to...and vent to, and them understand why I feel sad and lonely...I don't want to hear...."forget about him, look what he did to you", "move on"..blah, blah, blah......I don't want to hear it....

ok, now you can all yell at me for so not DBing the right way...

Focus on me.....Lord knows I'm trying.....


LMG;

I wish I did have an appetite, I dont even feel like eating..and sometimes....I go all day and all night without eating anything....it just doesn't enter my mind.....scary...and I really don't drink much water either....hmmmmmmm.......wow, I'm worse than I thought...

TOH:

I too have that phobia that H is going to bring up the D word or something along those lines....my heart drops several times a day wondering what he is planning....anyone know how to know what they are planning???? Ok, maybe not...

[Jeanette1120]

I'm so sorry Treese

The best answer I can give you would be Time.

Time to focus on you,

Time to focus on your children,

Time to grow, learn & experience different things in life...

If your "friends" are telling you to move on....time to find some new ones until your strong enough to handle things differently.

Time to figure out who Treese is now, right now...and enhance upon your wonderful qualities.

So your h is non confrontational....use that. They say she is just like him....use that too.

Show your h an Ah Ha moment with your actions Treese. You can do this.

Don't give up.

But do start taking better care of yourself. Even if it means forcing yourself to eat, drink, excercise and GO OUT AND DO THINGS YOU ENJOY.

Take good care of yourself Treese!

Hugs sweetie, you are not alone.

Jeanette

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((Treese))))))

Keep looking for a C, Treese, you really need someone you can really talk to!

As far as H goes, it sounds like you know what to do, you need to figure out how. That's where I think a C might be able to help you. I think it is different for everyone. But I do think that it is important for you to be happy with yourself, and I don't feel like you are right now.

I wish there was a magic spell, but I don't know it!

[CBK]

(((((Treese)))))

I can't add anything that Jeff and Jeanette didn't say. Find a C as soon as you can. I have a C, and friend who is a therapist and the recotor of the Episcopal church who I turn to often (and I am not even Episcopal :-)) Find those folks who you feel confident is speaking to - a C is great because they will help you through these exceptionally tough times.

I, like you, rarely feel like eating - I do drink a lot of water and I do feel weak all the time. My DB coach said you need to keep yourself healthy, especially physically as this will take its toll on you. Go buy a case of water and put bottles all over the place - this is what I do - I drink about 10 bottles a day! No wonder I cry so much! :-)

Treese, take care of yourself and your kids - that is the most important gift you can give yourself right now.

My heart goes out to you. I have you in my prayers tonight.

CBK

[Treese]

This is why I come here...you all are so supportive.....I am feeling anxious this morning...didn't sleep well...
calling more counselors today...not giving up on that...I need one really bad right now...

Jeanette.....please help me out here...what ahah moment can i show my H....I have not brain function right now....

CBK...thank you for the thoughts and prayers...I too pray for everyone here every night...I really do...we all deserve happiness...and I pray for restoration...and if I drink to much water I'll be in the bathroom all day...

Tonight....I think I will go tanning...get some of that vitamin D.....then try to finish the senior video I am working on....1500 pictures of seniors in a movie.....the kids love it...

I hope I can sleep tonight...these nightmares are getting worse...

Hugs to everyone.....Treese

[Jeanette1120]

I'm so glad your not giving up on finding a good counselor to talk to!! It's very important for you to get your emotions out! This will help with the nightmares!

You go to the tanning salon? For vitamin D?? Doesn't it make you feel wonderful!?!?! I do the same thing! It boosts your energy helps your appearance thus making YOU feel better. Don't tell my Mother tho...she hates those things! Said something about wrinkles.....guess she's not heard of botox

Ah Ha moments. Well Treese, they/it needs to be something different or out of your normal reaction. Something that is going to make him think. But first....

You have to get yourself together. Yes, you first. None of your attempts to right something that went wrong will work if your not ready. With no brainfunction this will be hard to do

Forget about him and his OW.

Think about you.

Then go over all of his complaints.

Then with whatever knowledge of her you have....see what your H might find attractive in her that he didn't in you.

Sounds a bit off the chain I know, but he's your husband and if you want him back you have to work at it.

Just so ya know Treese, this does not mean he will come home, it means that your working on making Treese better. All the way around. It will give you an opportunity on salvaging your marriage, in the meantime you will be saving yourself.

Hang in there!!

Jeanette

[Maya44]

That's a very wonderful honest post Jeanette. Great advice!

[Treese]

I'll work on it but he never complained about anything I did...really...just said he wasnt "in love with me anymore"....changes...I can probably make some just for me...

I am different already, it's just that I fall apart when I see him...he looks so good, and I feel so bad...

It's going to be a tough road I know....I'll keep pushing....got nothing else to do...LOL!!!

And tanning....well....my D21 tells me I'm going to get cancer....I just want to feel good about myself...and I'm not against a tummy tuck

[Jeanette1120]

And tanning....well....my D21 tells me I'm going to get cancer

Your daughter sounds just like my mother!!

I just want to feel good about myself...and I'm not against a tummy tuck

No comment But a friend of mine told me that it was the best thing she ever did!

It's going to be a tough road I know....I'll keep pushing....got nothing else to do...LOL

There ya go!! You get yourself sooooo together he'll take one look at you and he'll be the one feelin soooooo bad

This is the very very best thing about NC. It gives you a chance to get yourself together. Mentally, physically & spiritually!!

Yes Treese......you've came along ways since you first started posting.

Pretty soon those ups will last longer and the downs will be easier to rise up against. Your PMA will be soaring and your H is going to look at you and say "Who the heck is that"!! Then he'll be intriged by your new mysterious yet confident attitude you'll have him second guessing his actions!



Thats the general idea.....but if that does not happen look at how wonderful you'll be doing!!