How do they walk away?

[Treese]

Well, I really need some help tonight...for some reason this seems to be a really bad day for me...nothing in paticular happened....just seem to be really missing my H...maybe warmer weather....maybe it's just all getting to me...

So, here I am because I can't sleep....I have to get up for work at 5 am and my head is pounding...I feel sick to my stomach...and I can't get H out of my head or the OW.....why do I give them so much of my brain...He just drives away like it's nothing....

I wonder if I'll ever get another chance at my M....my H isn't confrontational, so he won't ever fight with OW...he never really fought with me, which is why I don't get any of this BS... He will just go with the flow and do whatever she says, and from what I hear she is just like him...so maybe they were made for each other and I should give up....but I don't want to give up....

I want H to have the ahahhhhh moment and realize what he did was not the right thing and come home....I know I sound like a sobbing mess, and right now I am but I am stuck, really stuck...
I can't find a counselor...so I'm struggling with this on my own...no one to talk to....all my friends just want me to forget him and move on....mom cries if I cry....I'm on meds, obviously they're not working....on twice a day instead of once...
I've been crying for hours.....I don't take in enough liquids for this much crying....I feel as though I'm going to have a nervous breakdown....maybe then I'll change my life.....


So, why come here.... cause you all said I could vent here...I want to call my H but I know I'm supposed to give him his space..he is happy and free...and I am sad and sooooooo very lonely.....I don't want to sleep alone....I don't want to be alone when I'm old....I want to be with my H...forever....why can't he see that....he never gave us a chance...he just said he doesn't love me and he can't help the way he feels....so why can't I just MOVE ON!!! I feel like I'm going crazy.....

And I am trying to focus on me....I do do things for me and my kids...but H does not leave my head....

So, what do I do??? I need someone to talk to...and vent to, and them understand why I feel sad and lonely...I don't want to hear...."forget about him, look what he did to you", "move on"..blah, blah, blah......I don't want to hear it....

ok, now you can all yell at me for so not DBing the right way...

Focus on me.....Lord knows I'm trying.....


LMG;

I wish I did have an appetite, I dont even feel like eating..and sometimes....I go all day and all night without eating anything....it just doesn't enter my mind.....scary...and I really don't drink much water either....hmmmmmmm.......wow, I'm worse than I thought...

TOH:

I too have that phobia that H is going to bring up the D word or something along those lines....my heart drops several times a day wondering what he is planning....anyone know how to know what they are planning???? Ok, maybe not...