Changing myself for myself

[Firekeeper]

Purr,
thank you for your encouraging words

the way you call me - firecracker - brought laughter to my heart) yes, i do have also a "firecracker" personality in me too, not only a "firekeeper"

the hurt goes on. however, it's been a year and, actually, comparing to the last year it hurts not as raw as it was then. i think i am able to detached for some periods of time. not having h around helps. i am weary about next sunday when h will come home from his travel.

i usually become hypervigilant and anxious and depressed. i have difficulty sleeping - because i can hear him walking or coughing or snoring and wake up constantly through the nigh. he comes all messed up not only from his regular mlc but also from being exhausted from work and travel and time change. then every time i see him - it opens a wound again. etc., etc., etc.....

as i write it i realize with more clarity that i need a game plan. at least for the situations that i can predict, to minimize the damage that interactions with him usually cause.