No R Talks??????

[sage]

I still can't believe two intelligent adults who love each other could get to that place. Our MC says we're trying to make it all too complex. The facts are that we both need a great deal of reasurrance from each other, but don't know how to ask for it or give it very well. Yeah, I can THINK about how lucky I feel to have him in my life, how he makes me laugh, how I am always amazed at the way I feel pulled toward him as though gravity operates laterally, the way I love his goofy smile, the way the sound of his voice soothes me (I could go on and on) but expressing those things to H is nearly impossible.

When I try to ask for comfort or reassurance from H, he seems to hear that I'm saying that I'm not satisfied with him or that I'm trying to control him.

Both wanting the same thing--not knowing how to ask, not knowing how to express. This has got to stop!

So we're realizing that we're going to have to break even more dysfunctional patterns that have been going on for generations. We're going to have to go back to kindergarten, learn a new language, be brave, trust each other, have compassion for each other while we stumble and fall over and over again, trying to learn a new skill: how to love each other well.

Talitsa -- Your posts often amaze me -- I feel like you are writing about my m! It appears that you and your h. share many of the same traits as me and my h.

For me, my initial DB'ing also had to be about showing h. how much I still wanted our R. I think that WAS a 180 for me in so many ways -- like you, my h. had decided that I didn't love him...and I had decided that he was incapable of loving me. His a. and the subsequent db'ing were a wake up call for both of us, I think...I've enjoyed our r. more in the last 3 months than I have ever.

Unfortunately, I'm still plagued with insecurity about ow -- and things exploded the other day Now I'm not sure WHAT to do...and there's no MC in our sitch to help guide the way...

would you mind stopping by my thread and giving some advice? I'd really appreciate it.

Sage