How do they walk away?

[newnamenewlife]

Hi Treese,
I so understand how you feel, I really do. My H is still here, but only because he is a procrastinater and hasn't gotten it together to find an apt. He is so icy cold and dismissive of me and it hurts terribly. He thinks he is doing me a favor, in that when he finally leaves, I'll miss him less than I would if he were being very attentive and sweet--which I guess is true. Still, it feels so calculated. I wish he'd just get out at this point, but then I see my kids and how attached they are to him and to us 4 and I keep holding on to hope that he'll stay.

I miss the guy he used to be and it kills me to hear him describe our entire marriage so negatively. To me, we were "in love" for longer than most couples and have always had a great R, even if it has been somewhat lackluster this past year or two. I KNOW we could improve things a ton, but he would have to want to and he doesn't.

So, as usual, I don't know what to say to help you detach. I cry less than I used to, but when H really truly moves out, I know I'll feel horrible again.

My feeling is that when he leaves, he stops being a resident of this house (though he still owns half). He would be happy to come back, tend to the garden, eat with us, and other stuff, but I think that would be cake-eating for him and hard for me and the kids. I have become dependent on him for lots of typical man stuff--fixing things, etc--so that's hard to deal with, but I feel like if he wants to S, then he needs to experience what it is like not to live with us, period. I know others are grateful to have their H's come home and help out. I may feel differently once he really leaves.

Anyway, hugs to you. I'm sorry this is happening. It SUCKS. I know eventually the pain will lessen for you, but I know it's really, really hard.