I was thinking on my way to work this morning about what a weird alien my H has become. Something in the Mid-Life Crisis Board came to mind about a stage where they seem to have multiple personalities. That sure fits what I've been seeing for awhile now.

Somedays he's stubborn, inflexible and condescending (we jokingly call it being possessed by the evil spirit of his father--somebody throw me some holy water!)

Most days he's like a rebelious 16 year old. I have raised 3 boys and feel like I've got another on my hands now. I can't believe the immaturity and self-absorbtion that goes with this personality fragment sometimes. I know he's in this stage when I mistakenly try to relate to him like the (almost 50 year old) man that he is and get some version of "you're the mom from hell and you can't tell me what to do" cuz I just asked him to take out the garbage while I make dinner. Geez...I almost expect him to start asking for an allowance for asking him to do chores. The worst part of the teenager part is the way he judges me so harshly and critically. EVERYTHING I do is interpreted as "controlling".

If I show any emotion....I am controlling
If I ask for anything...I am controlling
If I don't show any emotion...I'm neglecting him
If I don't honor his requests...I don't care about him

Ain't no way to win in that roulette game....

The other day I asked how long he'd be working extra Wednesdays (usually a night off for him). I was having an internal struggle with the fact that the XOW works that night and but didn't want to bring up that issue and I was trying to NOT show that it bothered me. Well--he tells me that my BODY LANGUAGE IS CONTROLLING! Huh????? How does one have "controlling body language"? Did he have a moment of compassion and stop to think that maybe it's difficult for me to have to be so understanding about him working with XOW??? No--cuz I'm a mean mommy who has "controlling body language" and he's 16 and is entitled to take XOW to the Prom if he damn well wants to!

Once in awhile--more and more lately--I see the personality of the man I fell in love with and still love dearly. That man is kind, considerate, empathetic, and very easily hurt by any harshness on my part. That personality is very confused about his own behaviour and wracked with shame and guilt over how it has affected me. I try to remember that that man is inside there somewhere when he's acting like he's 16 or possessed by the evil spirit of his father.

I wonder if he will be so patient and understanding when I am going through my change-of-life in about 10 years?

Just venting folk--and I so much appreciate having a place to vent safely.