Yes the drinking is only a problem as it gets the head thinking the wrong things, but then doesn't stop at that and wants the answers.
Yeah, I'm doing all the dad stuff all the time and it's for me, not as a chore to show W at all. I just didn't realise how much I enjoyed it before so wouldn't do it as much. Glad I've got that out of this.
Still got knots in my tummy tonight, but had a reasonable day considering. W seems to more ok with last night now and I have apologised and even got her flowers.
Seems to be back to as was, but time will tell.
Just hoping I can get to kip tonight as really need a decent nights kip.
I think you may be right R"C, but if my W goes out, I need a little sleep assistance !!!
W went out again last night and I didn't think she would be late, but was out til 4am. I just happened to have woken before she got home and spoke to her briefly and she had a good time and I shouldn't really worry about much, but due to the broken trust, I just can't help it.
Still, best try not to worry and nothing I can do about it. Tough as that is. Hopefully we can do something as a family this afternoon
Thanks for visiting my thread earlier, just now getting caught up on reading. You may remember, our sitch is similar.
A couple of things to remind yourself:
This will not happen overnight, so patience is key Like R2C, I pretty much quit drinking. I did a couple of times with my buddies, and then backslid both times! There are herbal sleep remedies - melatonin is one. I finally had to go to Dr. and get a sleep aid. You need your strength, so stay healthy, eat healthy. My W is out for the weekend with a girlfriend. Even though I know nothing is going on, I still don't know if she is calling the OM while she is away. But I keep telling myself that OM is scum, call him every bad name and think of the bandaid story. You can't obsess about W where abouts. This is the toughest thing. Get rid of the negativity around the R. Don't talk about R - but you know that. And of course, GAL. We both hear this a lot - now it is time to put these actions to a plan!
Keep the faith,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Strange turnaround today, we seem to have reverted back to pre Friday night chat. Guess that is good.
I also suggested a night out earlier during a friendly chat about something and W said yes. I said we don't have to if you don't want to and she said, no, that will be nice. No idea what it means, but I do get the impression that she may change her mind in time. However, due to the broken trust, I've no real idea if she is ever telling me the truth or not anymore, but I will say, she either is, or has good real good at lying rather quickly.
Will keep off the drink except for planned nights out and if it goes pear shaped, so be it. I didn't get aggressive or anything and just wanted clarification of things I was paranoid about and also through some 'facts' in there, hopefully she can understand why that is. i don't think I cam over particularly desperate and tBH, i'm kinda glad I got it all out there.
Arthur, it is good sometimes to get things out in the open but remember, they only help you, not your W. Your W is not wanting to hear about anything to do with the R right now. Stay away from this type of contact, it only hurts you in the long run. Don't go as long as I have before you realize the damage you are doing. I have been S for 5 months now and the first 4.5 months were nothing but R talks and that has really pushed me back for some time. Learn from others mistakes on here. I know it is difficult but it is something you MUST do.
Great about W wanting to go out, but remember, don't read too much into it. Baby steps, don't push and don't talk about R during your night out. Be her friend and listen, really listen.
I get what you are saying about drinking, we just become braver when we have a few beers in us! :-) I actually backslid a little bit on Friday when I was out with friends and sent W a text - I usually send these to myself, but our names are next to each other in my cell directory. Oh well.
I WISH I could get more out there. So much we want to do, but the DB principals fly into the face of that though!
Stay well, treat yourself good and GAL!
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
ping - That is my first backslide into R talks since finding this forum, so almost a month. Basically I had a month of stuff built up I guess. Also, I'm pretty sure (thought I forget a lot as drunk !!) I was civil and just wanted clarification about my fears. I got this, though as I say, no idea of whether truth or not, but think it was. At the time my W had no reason to lie I don't think, assuming she really does want out.
Cleared my head now for a few weeks at least I think.
CBK - No, not reading much into night out and it's a comedy night, so will be laughing together and is something we both love. I'm hoping my kids will be out for the night, then we have some flexibilty afterwards as to if we go home or go on somewhere.
W seemed in better mood this morning and it's is a weird sitch i'm in as everything seems better than ever since no longer together. I'm just wondering if others get this ?
What I mean is, but for the both of us going out more, there is less arguing, more joking about, more just getting on with chores etc around the house and life is as was. I wish it was like this 6 months back and I will admit it's been from a large point from my changes in no longer biting about anything, being more patient and spending more time with the boys and less time on the PC. TBH, I feel so much more relaxed in that I'm no longer doing things hoping that my W approves, I just do them and don't mind the reaction which has helped me.
So, do others that live together after the bomb often find their friendlier and things are better than pre bommb ?
I know what your saying and I have considered it, but would rather be where I am to see my kids everyday, for now anyway. When we discussed moving out, my W was adamant that if that happened it wouldn't be like it was when I moved out for a few days when oldest was young, and I would go to our house after work til he went to bed.
I don't mind my W going out, but I just wake up a lot which drives me mad. I mean, I'm going out more anyway so not to major an issue and I honestly think we have a better chance while I'm there to regain friendship etc as when not there, I'fd hardly see her to make a difference.
I will re evaluate though all the time, but at the moment, but for bad days, it's generally ok at home.
As I mention, it's kind of the relationship we should of had without the cuddles and S stuff
