I went to my favorite shopping place - Trader Joes! Two of the four men that have intrigued me sincre my D were at TJ's - perhaps I need to start shopping at a different TJ every week! (First post D R does not count - that was REBOUND - makes my skin crawl to think I even dated him! So Soviet style - we will re-write history to erase him! )
The other two men were men I met at semimars.
So I saw Young TJ M (YTJM) today. So very young TJM.... I waved and smiled as I was paying for my groceries and he did the beautiful big smile back.
Brains, athletic build, tall, pragmatic liberal, hormone awakening, good place careerwise (for his age)... BUT...he is 31...
The list... +/- 5 years...
Emailing Man said I should just ask him out and have fun.... I mean I don't have to M the guy. He is young - he has plenty of time to find The One.
I was always open about my age when I worked there. I find myself wondering - does he really not know that I am almost 43...There were two kids that worked with me in their 20's and i remember when I told them my age they both said "you aren't just old - you are really old! LOL!" I told them to remember that when they were 40 something and thumbing through a playboy magazine.
Well he is probably almost 32 by now - LOL! Does that make a difference... And unlike Mr. South Africa - at least he is not in his 20's! LOL!
The drunken incompentant accountant that called me late at night was also a young thing. I need to turn around this downward age trend.
Oh well - YTJM put a smile on my face and now I am back at home working - a little more relaxed.
I think I might have to tatoo 1965 on my forehead if I want to attract men my age that are looking for women their age!
I love Trader Joe's. Got one close to work so I do my shopping at lunch time. What a happy bunch of people - makes me want to work there.
You know, if those young fish are biting, you may want to consider expanding your age range. I agree, you don't have to M them - you may be surprised what you'll find.
You are certainly not old! Wait until they are in their 40's. Suddenly 50 looks young.
What a happy bunch of people - makes me want to work there.
I worked there for a month a couple of years ago. It was one of the best jobs I have ever had b/c of the people. And I was in really great shape b/c it is manual labor intensive if you are low on the totem pole.
I will be reapplying to work there when I retire from this job!
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You know, if those young fish are biting, you may want to consider expanding your age range. I agree, you don't have to M them - you may be surprised what you'll find.
I did expand from +/- 3 to +/- 5. And when I first met YTJM - I thought maybe - just maybe if age was the only dealbreaker.... 10 years....a HUGE maybe.... When I found out 31 - that is 11 years - I simply cannot keep going lower.
And Mr. South Africa is late 20's. I really think he thinks I am in my early 30's. I will not even admit that he intrigued me....I didn't know he was a young thing - I thought he was interesting when I spoke to him on the phone and before I googled him... And then promptly fell out of my chair when I saw his age...
I don't feel old in a bad way. I really like being my age. I suppose I am use to men my own age. The only problem is that the men my age that have intrigued me so far have all been married. I usually don't check marital status at the time b/c it takes me awhile to figure out I am intrigued and have to back and check...
The first TJM - was my age, same place careerwise, very smart, athletic build, very good looking, and a year or two older. He is one of the few men where I walked away from the friendship b/c there was too much inappropriate chemistry when we talked - and he was married.
I feel like if I left my age range - I would be settling. And I like the 40 something look. Men get better looking as they mature - they lose that baby fat from their faces and get that chiseled look ... I am so incredibly shallow...
It is quite possible that the anti-X list is being replaced with a hormone driven list!
I guess that's okay for now. Hormones are a filter after all - why deny their existence or their role. I will not post the hormone list b/c well that is the type of list you discuss with GF's after a bottle or two of wine - not appropriate for the BB.
On a more grown up note, in my pre-M days, I use to like very smart men with a rebel streak. The X had a ponytail, earring and use to dress head to toe in black when we met. He was also one of the smartest men I have ever met. He was a German engineer. And he also fit the superficial attributes that I like in men.
These days, I still like the intellect. And I NEED grounded. Yes, this is perhaps a reaction to the X...so it is an anti-x attribute. I was always the grounded one in my M. I want a man that emits an aura that feels like a soothing balm on my soul - sounds corny - but don't know how else to express it.
Every man that has intrigued me since my D (excepted erased man) has a calming effect on me. And I really like that feeling - especially when I am feeling off balance and out of sorts.
My good male girlfriends also emit this aura. That is not to say that we don't disagree or have differences of opinions - sometimes with my friends we have very heated discussions. But even during the most contentious discussions - it never feels personal. No one ever puts the friendship on the line. And when one of my us does lose it at times - and perhaps the tone is not the best it could be - it is still okay. There is no score keeping or feeling that there is something wrong with the other person. I feel like I can be human and even disappoint at times w/o any danger of losing these friendships. And I feel like my friends are comfortable being themselves around me.
The two main male girlfriend friendships are Emailing Man and Patent Male Girlfriend. I suppose the interactions I have with these two men represent what I want in a non-platonic R as well.
These friends are post D. They are different from my pre-D friends. Perhaps as I relax, and retain the faith that any non-platonic R will share the these same charateristics.
Well - we shall see... I am at least leaving my house more. LOL! And I have two seminars scheduled. Might have to try some of the other TJ's in my area!
Life is good. It is and always be a journey - just need to remember that...
So - I would like to take this laptop and every other computer in the house, the DB book, the D decree, the M license and toss it all out the window.
I think after 5 years I am done with working on myself - and I am so sick and tired of working!!!
I really really want to just sit here and plan an entire set of goals that are purely and absolutely directed to having fun....
I am soooooooooo sick and tired of writing.... I mean it's not like I am writing great literary works that will alter the very essence of humankind. All this technology I am fighting to protect will be obsolete in a few years anyway....
I need to hire people to do the work so I can spend my time thinking of how to kill all the free time I would have then...
Since there are no such things a fairy godmothers - I will go back to writing my brief...
I think after 5 years I am done with working on myself - and I am so sick and tired of working!!!
Stop working on yourself! You are fabulous just the way you are. And I mean that. Before the first of the year I had the same feelings, that's when I decided to stop all the over analyzing. I took a deep breath, forgave myself for the past few years and decided enough beating myself.
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I mean it's not like I am writing great literary works that will alter the very essence of humankind.
In a way I wish you were. You have no idea how many of your posts I've read and just sat here giggling. Your writing is so creative. Look at the quote above. It's brilliant. You get your point across, yet it's damn funny!
You do need this trip. You have a lot of pressure on you from so many different directions. Only you know what can be released.
I have no idea (even though I try to imagine) how intense you work is and I know you have many things in motion so it's hard to make any changes right now. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. And no it's not a train.
Take care of you. That's my mantra for this year and I hope every year after.
My work isn't as intense when I am rested. These days I alternate between working and procrastinating. I would probably have a lot more free time if I procrastinated less... That one is my own fault.
And I am in an especially whiny mood b/c there have been some significant changes in law regarding what is considered to be patentable. In the past I use to do some "easy" arguments and my patents were allowed. And now since these changes - I have to think outside of the box. That always makes my head hurt... And I procrastinate even more when I am breaking new trails.
You are right - I need to stop over-analyzing my personal life stuff. My C calls it tripping over your own brain.
I think I will feel much better if/when I ever actually get caught up at work. These days, I live in fear and hide hoping someone that is responsible for something I am behind on will not contact me before I get the work done.
Anyway back to finishing up this silly brief. I have it all down on paper. I just need to read it through and finalize it. It is ONLY 3 pages of substantive writing - just very painful writing...
We realize this is where we see your Angst which we all have and thus our minds eye of your makeup is probably skewed toward the negative of the real AG. You report this wheas the online personna is different than the in person personna.
I believe many check up but AO is the spokesperson. Glad you are taking your trips.
I heard something the other day whereas thinking is constantly a process of asking and answering questions and a good part of your makeup is the questions you direct your mind to ask. On the swim challenge I am asking 'How do I make this hurdle and have a rockin good time doin it?'. Success is never guarenteed but the ride is a set of cheap thrills. Thank God I'm easily amused.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
The real persona or is it really the PR front for the public is very different. Nary a hint of angst.
That is only possible b/c I unload it all here.
That is why sometimes when people want to talk off the BB - I am a lot quieter. I usually do not go around telling people (unless I know them well) my honest opinions (outside of work). And while sometimes you develop a closeness on the BB - it starts all over again for me at square 1 off the BB b/c I found out the hard way that people are not always what they seem here.
I usually find that as soon as I finish typing the post, the thoughts are processed and my angst is significantly reduced. If it isn't - well I continue to post till it is!
Swimming is one of those things I am not seeking to perfect. It is my gift from me to me to be a person that swims like (in the words of the poet) a crippled jellyfish. I don't even know how to do that somersault thingy as I turn at the end of a lap!
I swim late in the evenings after work and it is very relaxing for me as I see the sunset with every breathe I take as I swim.
The FL Keys were lovely. Just a tad too crowded and commercial. Thinking about Costa Rico next time. We did manage to have fun in the Keys.
The doggies went wild when we arrived home. For the next couple of days they wouldn't let us out of their sight. Even hung around the bathrooms. :-))
The gardens are being weeded as we type. It's raining here today. Much need the rain so that I can plant some radishes this year. Want to try some new veggies other than the usual tomatoes and stuff. My cilantro is already sprawling. It's my favorite herb... I make a mean creamy salad dressing with cilantro, maple syrup and lime juice. Yum. :-))
Two of the four men that have intrigued me sincre my D were at TJ's - perhaps I need to start shopping at a different TJ every week! 
