Wanted to post the lyrics to this song I've been listenign to a lot lately..it describes the way I feel, just waiting for crumbs that he throws my way..
LIFEHOUSE
"Broken"
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing With a broken heart that's still beating In the pain, there is healing In your name I find meaning So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on I'm barely holdin' on to you
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead I still see your reflection inside of my eyes That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating In the pain (in the pain), is there healing In your name (in your name) I find meaning So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin') I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hangin' on another day Just to see what you throw my way And I'm hanging on to the words you say You said that I will be OK
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating In the pain(In the pain) there is healing In your name I find meaning So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm barely holdin' on to you
Me: 36 H: 34 2 D's: 10+13 Married: 13 yrs(Together 15) Found out about A-Jan 08 Finally ended April 08..I hope?? Struggling to co-exist in peace
What a scary woman. I am so glad you got your daughters' phones. How disgusting, she is truly unbalanced. What about a restraining order for your children? A letter of warning from an attorney?
The thing is, she has never really been 'sent away' by your H. Now she realizes its over. And she is not used to this. OW in my situation was crazy too, but nothing like what you desribed. I am so sorry your children were even the tinest bit involved. What a disgusting, immoral woman to do that!
Quote:
I hate this..I am so confused..so for now I wait..
This is so normal. You guys are in serious crisis here, and you weren't prepared for him to turn and come back. Hoped for it, but probably tucked it back in your mind. Would he be willing to do some counseling, some sort of retreat?
W2M, I've had to deal with an OW who has been angry, irrational, demanding, etc., but I think yours has mine beat. I've always had this fear that she would go off the deep end but so far has not. Yours definitely has.
It's a tough call about filing a police report. I can emphasize with not filing it -- you're a compassionate person. On the other hand, protecting your family is important, too. But maybe getting the police involved like you did, and letting her know they were involved (and that you could file a report) could be enough to deter her.
All of this is hard as h3ll to deal with but there is one positive thing ... her actions are killing/crucifying any emotions your H has for her. This is what happened for my H and his OW. While she ranted and raved and behaved irrationally, I sat by and was calm, cool and collected. She drove him back into my arms. I know his feelings for her are dead -- in fact, I can say he really dislikes her now.
Not to say that at times, I didn't get angry, I did, but mostly I took a DB approach. During one of her episodes, my H told me I was amazing for putting up with all of this. I knew then that I had taken the right approach.
Hope this helps ... hang in there and let OW do all the work, she pretty much has already.
All of this is hard as h3ll to deal with but there is one positive thing ... her actions are killing/crucifying any emotions your H has for her. This is what happened for my H and his OW. While she ranted and raved and behaved irrationally, I sat by and was calm, cool and collected. She drove him back into my arms. I know his feelings for her are dead -- in fact, I can say he really dislikes her now...
Hope this helps ... hang in there and let OW do all the work, she pretty much has already.
Joie
I agree with Joie. I think that is happening too! I wouldn't worry about your H, more so for your kids!!! The OW sounds like a real fruitcake!!! Karen
I'm impressed. You have been a woman of steel throughout this ordeal. Now you have the OW on the ropes. Very impressive. I doubt she will make another move because she has screwed up bigtime and left evidence. She'd have to be criminally insane to continue. If she does, then you do have to have to file the police report. I guess your husband learned a lesson about allowing anyone to photograph him naked! Isn't amazing how we have sex with people and claim to "love" them before we even get to know them. That is why they say the brain is the biggest aphrodisiac. You ought to have one sorry Joe there.
If you are interested in getting back with your husband, at this point, you could look into the Retrouvaille program. http://www.helpourmarriage.org. They have weekends all over the world, but not that often, so it's important to book it in advance to reserve a spot. The weekend will work on communication between you and your husband. It will give you a chance to deal one on one with your lives and put yourselves on a good track for the future.
I agree with Puppy...you should file a report. Dont be nice what she did was WRONG and you need to protect your daughters. She has ruined her own life dont think for one minute you had a thing to do with it. She completly and totatlly crossed the line and I would see to it that something is done!!
I guess the reason I don't want to file..yet, is I really do feel that my H had a lot to do with this and how she is acting..He kept stringing her along and what he did was sooo wrong. He may believe she did the initial chasing but then he always took her back and then wrote her love letters, sent her texts making her believe he still loved her. I have so much anger at him as well that I don't completely blame her. And now he wants to act like everything is fine and we'll be ok???I begged him to do this months ago, now part of me has given up..I'm so confused that i don't know what i want right now..time will tell I guess..I should be happy right? My h is really back, wants to work on us and does not want a divorce..so then why do I feel so sad??
Me: 36 H: 34 2 D's: 10+13 Married: 13 yrs(Together 15) Found out about A-Jan 08 Finally ended April 08..I hope?? Struggling to co-exist in peace
Let's see, a tornado came and hit your house and spun it around and broke all the windows and cracked the walls. And while this was going on all you wanted was for it to stop. And now it's over and gone, and it's quiet and the sky is blue. Why aren't you happy? Could it be because your house is destroyed? Yes. Your marriage is like your house and it is in shambles. If you want it, you will have to rebuild it. From the foundation up. It's not an easy fix. All the supports are crumbling. You need to go to the Retrouvaille website. They can teach you how to rebuild the marriage, starting with a strong foundation and building on the supports of love, commitment, trust and forgiveness. http://www.helpourmarriage.org.
Sara, what a GREAT analogy!! You hit the nail right on the head.
W2M, Your heart and head are in shambles right now. Give yourself time to heal and the anger to fade. It will take time. Don't make any decisions until you get a stronger PMA. You're right, time will tell.
Karen