I think she's back

[LL44]

Hey sara. Thinking of you.

So sorry about the information you came across, but knowledge is power in this situation. Your gut was right.

You are so strong. Stronger than I was at this point, for sure. We support anything you decide. Only you are in your situation. We are on your team!

[lodo]

Hi Sara,

I'm also thinking of you. Though I haven't been posting to your thread lately, I've been keeping up with it.

I want to second what JeffSTL said, though. Don't put yourself in a bad financial position by letting the emotional side of what's going on take over. You need to have a stable plan. Time really is on your side, so prepare yourself. Think of things as a business transaction - what do you need to do to make the business deal work for you?

That said, I wouldn't leave the house. You have to stand up to him and his poor choices. Why should you be inconvenienced because of his inability to be in a mature relationship? You can always throw his stuff out in the street. Won't be the first time that's happened.

take care - lodo

[LL44]

I agree about your finances. Think of this as a business transaction, try and remove the emotion. You have to protect yourself financially.

Let me share an example. In Nov 2007, when H and OW 'reunited', I was screaming/begging for him to move out. I even swore I would sign something that said he could have half the house, or even all of it, if he would just leave. He refused and THANK GOD! Now, I see, I was willing to throw everything away to be removed from the pain. Of course. But take my past 'almost' mistake and try to learn from it. Don't act from your heart when it comes to 'business'.

[water2moon]

Sara, I'm so sorry..I really do know how you must feel it hurts so much you just want to pull the covers over your head and never get up..But you HAVE to!! I wouldn't be quick to leave your home. You have done nothing wrong. Call a lawyer and find out what steps need to be taken to have him leave. You can blame the mental anguish he's putting you through as a reason to have him leave. They honestly have no idea how bad they hurt us when they have affairs.. I'm praying for you hon..

[karen43]

I agree with w2moon also. It doesn't seem like you should have to leave your home because of your H's inappropriate behavior. Maybe a lawyer could help you in this? Hope you are doing OK today!!! Karen

[Starshyne]

I have lost my voice, so it is so nice to be able to communicate with you all. A lot has happened since Saturday, and I will try to fill you all in, but I am sure I won't include everything.

When H came home on Saturday, we had a really long talk about his affair and our marriage. According to him, this new woman is "just a friend" (heard that one before) and that he has only been out with her a few times to eat and that some of the times he was eating out with clients. He said the jewlery thing was a loan to this woman and she is going to pay him back. He regrets loaning her the money for the jewlery and now sees how dumb that was. He told me that he is willing to change his cell phone number and end all contact with this new "friend" in order to work on our marriage. He also told me that he still loves me and doesn't want a divorce. Yes, this sounds good...however there are still a lot of things that don't please me.

He isn't willing to be 100% transparent. I said that I want to look at his cell phone before his erases the number and his debit card information. He did not like this and said something about how I wouldn't know if he erased the numbers and he can just start using cash.

He did admit that he was not coming home as much because he was tried of my nagging. He again said that many of the times that I think he was with OW, he was alone and he has been spending a lot of time alone lately. I can see how he can feel that way, and said that I would no longer nag him and make home a better place to be.

He feels trapped and doesn't like me having a leash on him (by telling him that I am not comfortable with him staying out until 1am on a Friday night). I am not sure how to handle this. Any suggestions? He says that he wants to go out with me sometimes, but not all of the time. I am not used to this. We used to go everywhere together, and we were not bar goers like he seems to now be. I told him that while I am not comfortable with him going out, that if I knew what time he was going to be home and if his plans change, that would help. He agreed to do that.

He had already had plans to go out that night (Saturday) and while I wasn't happy about it at all, he went out. He stayed to his word and messaged me when his plans slightly changed and he was home a little eariler than he had said.

We agreed to move slowly in our relationship and Sunday we spent the day together. Nothing exciting because it was raining all day. Went to Walmart to do the things he was supposedly doing last week, had lunch together and then went home and messed around with the computer. We had dinner at Steak and Shake and H said several times "this is really nice."

I am not sure if H is serious about ending the affair/friendships he has. But he says that he is. Right now I am going to take his word and see what his actions say.

Meanwhile I am still GAL and all that. I have plans tonight for an Applebees (one of my favorites) dinner with my mom and a workout together. Nothing huge, but still something a little different than the norm.

I hope I made the right choices. Seeing my bags packed and that I was serious about leaving was a HUGE wake up for him, I could tell. He kept saying "I dont want you to leave...I want to be married to you." At least this is a change from previous conversations. I don't know.

[fightingirish]

Sara,

You have to do what's right for you, and if that means giving him a chance so be it.

I don't think its a lot for him to be telling you that you need for him to be upfront with you, this is part of repairing your marriage.

Keep doing things for you... that's so important.

I hope this means this are turning around for you.

[MichelleLT]

I am glad he was shocked by your determination. I hope his actions back up his words.

(((Sara)))

[GoingForward]

Right now I am going to take his word and see what his actions say.

You said it, Sara! Watch his ACTIONS.

I hope I made the right choices. Seeing my bags packed and that I was serious about leaving was a HUGE wake up for him,

You made the right choices for YOU, and that's what is most important.

H saw YOUR ACTIONS. He finally realized that you mean business.

GOOD FOR YOU, SARA!!!

[cat03]

I will be the wet blanket here, please be very careful, sounds an awful like stbx's bs when he was still seeing ow and making me me the mad one, the one who didnt' trust him (I actually ended up apologyzing to him once when that time he truly was with ow), the part where he picks an excuse why he isn't home as much.