I just want to say I soooooooo respect you and your heart, your passion and your INTEGRITY.
Sg, I realize that my previous post might change your opinion of me but as you know, I eventually always show the good AND the bad of my experiences in this walk. I also want others to understand and COMPREHEND that to believe is not to be off the grid as far as the enemy goes - or even as far as our own self-contempt will go if it's strong enough. You can self-destruct and still believe. The problem for me did NOT lie in who Christ says I am or in that He says I was forgiven. It did lie in the fact that I COULD NOT forgive myself. It was separate from my belief and completely contradictory to it. I knew that but I couldn't seem to do anything about it. I was double-minded and therefore unstable in all my ways, just as the Word says. If anyone read my other thread in the prayer forum you'll remember the IT guy I told you about that I got into a spirituality discussion with - I told him I believed in Jesus and when I asked him his beliefs he told me "I play for the other team, Amy". He is a "high priest" in the satanic church. Believe me, I know how dramatic this all sounds but that's how it played out. It was like the enemy revealed himself and his hand over my life that day and I saw it all for what it was and it scared me to death. That's when I reached the point where I sat on the edge of my bed one night and I prayed with my whole heart, "Lord, you've got to get me out of this because I am not strong enough to get out of it on my own". The turn-around was almost immediate and I'm so much better now but I just can not stay in this place, fighting this fight anymore. This is where DB is saving ME. I've grown, I've been accountable for my actions and I've done all that is within my power to do to turn my marriage around. It is out of my hands. Hell, I am out of my hands.
Hopefully I don't lose friends over what I have said here today but if I lose friends for being honest...well then so be it.
I have withstood all the judgment I will withstand from myself and from others.
