I wish for you strength to follow through on this journey of yours.
I pray that you will find peace and that you will one day be able to truly grasp the reality of the situation, not only your perception of it.
I am worried about you, truly, because I do not think you understand some of the ramifications of your actions, and how they will only push your wife further away.
Take care....
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
