Been a while and it is a rainy Sunday morning here, so time for an update.
First, I was reading all the posts on this thread and I want to thank everyone. So much good advice and lifting comments. Yes DonH, I am in that depressed state you mention and thanks for pointing out that is where you were a year ago. That means light at the end of the tunnel and it is up to me to ensure that it is not a train of my own thoughts bearing down - instead real light, a new beginning.
Ex has been contacting me less which is good. She did get a scare about her father - he went into the hospital with heart problems. He has a long history and the docs were concerned. Ex left for home and her girlfriend dropped me the kids. GF and I were also friends before the D - she was happy to see me again, hugged me and all. She said Ex was concerned about her dad since her dad was so lonely after MIL passed on last November. Sort of lost will to live.
I can relate.
Thankfully the docs got it under control and he was released after a few days. Ex was on the phone with me each day with questions but more for support I think. Her daily calls stopped when former FIL was released and Ex came home.
She did email me on her return that Tuesday and offered to keep the kids that weekend (my weekend starts on Thursday). I declined but she went on about how she missed the kids. Then this past Thursday was "bring your kids to work day". She took them and spent the day with them. At about 4:00 I got a call from my daughter asking if she and my son could stay with mom that night.
Imagine, Ex gave her cell phone to my seven year old so that D7 could ask not to stay with me!!!
WTF?
I told D7 that daddy wants to see her and she said okay. I went about an hour later to fetch the kids. Ex did not even talk to me. She did not look angry, just very depressed. I have not seen her in a while and she looked bad. Depressed, sad, overweight.
I did not mention the cell phone call. I will let it pass this one time.
No, I really don't believe that there is or was another man. Ex is totally wrapped up with the kids and she really thought a divorce meant I would just disappear or something. The kids are her whole life.
But I will not stop being a good dad. If she wanted the kids every day she should have stayed and worked on the marriage, not quit. Now her reality is that she is alone and even more so when the kids are with me.
And a good dad is there for his kids. Plus, I can raise the kids as I see fit when they're with me - no competition or standing back with the wife/mom breathing down my neck. Just me as I want to be with them.
And that rocks.
I gave her the divorce; it is what she wanted after all. She should be happy. So very happy.
Instead she is in lah, lah land acting the brat as Jen said.
Progress on the house is at a standstill. I did get the washer/dryer in but then I said screw it. Easier to sit around and feel sorry for myself. Too easy to blame myself and see depression and booze as my crutches and excuses for not moving forward.
The advice above from ISLH is spot on:
Quote:
Now pick yourself up, dream of how you want your house to look like and putting one foot in front of the other, fulfil your dream. Visualize your kids running in the yard, throwing a football, riding a bike, laying on a blanket at night looking at the stars. You can have it all but you have to dream it first.
That's the ticket. Thanks.
I may stay in this forum for my next thread. I thought I was done but I will not be done until I take care of me. Those feelings are still there. I am not ready for "surviving" yet. I thought I had let go but I have not.
