Hi, I am sorry that you are having such a very rough patch. It must feel like h*ll right now.
But you have been given some good advice. Your son will come around. Please, for your sake and his do not be bitter. Your son isn't in a position to make good choices right now. I have no idea what things are like at his father's house, but if you let him stay there, and relish the freedom, you will find that this relationshp will come right. If you are bitter, and let your feelings of rejection show it will take longer for your son to be comfortable around you
Children need BOTH parents, however unsatisfactory. The fact that your h is now prepared to have him to live with him is a huge plus, whether you see it that way or not. Your son no longer feels rejected by his father, which likely contributed to his behaviour issues. Your husband can no longer blame everything about his son's behaviour on you, and his relationship with OW will encounter a little reality.
Focus on your daughters, especially the younger one. Your elder daughter will be leaving home for university soon, and so this could be a very special time.
I think you have to ask yourself the very hard question - do you love your h or are you addicted to him? There is a difference. He certainly sounds like a very damaged man, with a big raft of problems.
You might find the book 'How to get what you want and want what you have' by John Gray, helpful. The first two chapters are a bit offputting IMO, but the chapters on dealing with negative emotions, and understanding where they are coming from has been invaluable for me in accepting where I am.
I truly cannot imagine what you are feeling; I too would be devastated to hear those words from one of my children. Even if you know that teens say things they don't mean, it must still hurt terribly.
Alison, I am sorry to see you go, but if you feel that it is best for you, then of course, I support you 100%. I do hope that you will find peace on whatever path you choose.
With love, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
There is hope. I have been there. My son did the same thing. You have to follow the same DB principles with your son.
It has been over 6 months since son left. He tries to see me everyday now. He sees that I am the stable one. My ex complains about how much work son is for him. Don't give up. We are here to support you. People reap what they sow. Have faith.....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I think you are over-reacting and leaving the db-site.
You should maybe take a little break just to get your bearings again, but you have a wonderful support system here, with people who genuinely care about you.
It must be terribly hard for you to be without your Son, BUT it is also a wonderful break for you and it gives him a chance to be with his Dad.
When my S21 first left home to go to University, I was also grieving, and then a year later my D20 joined him.
It was a totally different thing then when H ran away from home.
Now they come to visit and it is so wonderful, they love being home, and appreciate things like home cooked meals and their Mummy doing their laundry.
Maybe it will also give him a chance to miss you and appreciate you.
Alison you are going to be OK, be patient with yourself, things are changing, just very slowly.
Hang in there.......
(((((((hugs))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Alison, You're kind of scaring me with all the little goodbyes you are leaving all over the threads here. Are you ok? It's one thing to decide to take a break from the boards, but you seem to be stressing "goodbye" and I just wanted to be sure you're all right.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I am worried about you my friend. The post on my thread,,,,
Please, please be safe. Get help if you need it. Think of your babies. I know you have had a rough couple of years and things went crazy but please dont do anything to harm yourself.
Alison just repeating what I said yesterday Please consider seeing a Dr and getting some help or counselling.I really think it would help You. Remember you still have 2 daughters at home-how does it make them feel to see you like this because your son has left--I can tell you because my kids told me after I went into a black hole after H left. Worthless and of no importance because all I cared about was H -he had gone but they were still here. Don't make my mistakes, get help. Your daughters deserve the best mum you can be.
