hopeful, maybe you are right in wanting to rewrite the history of our marriage. H and I talked about that before...but we really do have a hard time remembering when we laughed together EVER. Very early on I think we were ok, but I don't ever remember the "in love" phase being the way it was with the OM. But, I do remember being with other "bad" guys before H and feeling so good I found a "good" guy. He was everything I was looking for.
I do think I am addicted to the feeling of being "in love". I'm going through major withdrawals. This new drug being reintroduced, H, is not "cutting it" and I have to realize that he never will because he is not a drug he is my H.
I am a spiritual person, and you are right God has a plan, and right now I have to suffer.
As for my son, there is no way I would try for full custody of my son. It is not fair to my son nor is it fair to my H. H is a good father and his son needs a father equally as much as he needs a mother. My son would be unhappy being without both of us. I know a divorce could go in my favor. I would get alimony if I wanted, I could probably get my son more time than H, I would get child support, heck, my H would probably give me the house (he said once if I'm not happy then my son would not be happy either and he would do anything for his son). We would never screw each other over. Soooooo....that's why I need to make this work with H....I can't go without my child fulltime....I would die inside.
Ok, I will read your sitch today or tomorrow and give you feedback. I appreciate hearing what you say because it sounds like we could learn from one another. You asked about my H. The good things about him: honest, loyal, hard-working/good work ethic, unselfish in many ways, good father, good back rubber :), would do anything I asked of him (housework, errands, etc.) with no complaining, physically fit, smart with technical stuff.
Sara, once again I wish that retrovaille came before July. That seems so far away. WHen everything I've tried hasn't worked, it really makes you feel like it is impossible. You make me have hope that maybe that is not true. We need that roadmap you are talking about to at least TRY and give it time to see if things will change. I am willing to do anything to make this work, but I don't want to be in something just to "make it work". You know what I mean? I want to be sincerely happy and I want H to be sincerely happy, too. I'm putting my eggs in this retrouvaille basket and am praying for good things to come.
Ok, just got your new message, hopeful. It is a VERY short time leaving OM and that is why this is hard probably. I need to give it time. I'm really trying. I have to get over the "worst of it". I am reading the divorce busting book. He wants to read it next. I also got the divorce remedy book. DO you have others to recommend? If you could have your wife read any book what would it be? Any recommendations for my H? I do need more people of good counsel to talk to. You and the rest of the people on here have been the first people of "good counsel" that I have talked to in years.
