I was here when I went through my D 3 yrs ago. I am back because my relationship (2yrs) after my D has not worked out and I find I am going down the "wrong things to do" path again.
It's so difficult to go NC. So I wanted to post here. No, I am not doing well with this. It actually hurts more than my marraige.
Dear B,
You break my heart. More than anyone I have ever loved. It’s been seven months and yet not a day goes bye that I don’t think of you. That I don’t fight to not contact you. My heart just can’t let go. You meant so much to me.
I still respond to fire calls and have you and the girls on my mind. And it tears me apart knowing I can’t call you. Or when I save a life or something good happens, I can’t share those moments with you. Just to hear your voice after calls made me feel special. I didn’t get that from Linda. I don’t get it from the people I see now.
I didn’t want to lose you. I just wanted to provide for us and I know I let it get in the way of how I felt about you. I know the things I would have done with you and for you if I hadn’t been tired, frustrated, and preoccupied. I know you would not have felt whatever it is you felt.
