So H called me right after work and we went to dinner. While we were eating he mentioned that he went out with some guys that I went to HS with on Thursday. He had already told me he was going out with some guys after work, I just didn't know who. So anyway, then I asked "Did you tell them you are married to me, or did you just ask if they knew me?" He said "I just asked if they knew Kris (maiden name)." I didn't say anything to that and then he said "Look, I don't want to fight tonight." I was not fighting and told him that, it was just a simple question. So I dropped it after that, it just bugs me.
Then he wanted to go somewhere else for drinks. So while we were there we started talking about some things. I kept feeling like he was about to tell me something and then stopped. So I pressed him a little bit. So here is how our convo went from there.
H: Besides the obvious...what have I done to make you mad? Me: just hiding things from me in general. H: I hide things because of the way you react. Me: You hide things because of the way you assume I will react. H: Sometimes it is just easier to hide it than get in a fight. Me: Well, that isn't how it is supposed to be. You should be able to tell me anything. I agree that I may have overreacted to some things in the past, but I have changed. H: How have you changed? Me: I have just come to realize what things are important and I shouldn't sweat the small stuff. Also, the reason I get mad a lot of times is because of the fact that you hid it. H: Well, then I have something to tell you.
I am thinking OMG, another bomb. I really felt like I was going to barf. So he told me something, I am not going to get into what he told me because it would probably make no sense to anyone here...just me and him. It was really no big deal, but I would have been pissed and it probably would have been the breaking point if I had found out and he didn't tell me.
So I told him that I was glad he told me. I asked why he told me because I probably NEVER would have found that out. He said he just felt like he needed to tell me. I think my reaction made him feel comfortable and maybe he sees that I won't freak out. I see that as a big step in him earning back my trust.
Onto the rest of the update. So after drinks we went back to H's place to watch a movie. He had to go to work today so after the movie he said he was going to bed. I said, well, I guess I will leave and let you get some rest. He said..."I didn't say you had to go." ...So I ended up staying the night. Seems I have one of those levitating shirts too So I ended up staying the night and even this morning he was saying that he wished he didn't have to go to work and could just sleep in with me.
One bad thing....last night when we were sleeping his phone started buzzing...text message. It was about midnight. It did it about 4 times and the he just reached over and turned the phone off. I said "Is that her?" He said "Her who?"...I said "you know 'her who'" He said no, but I didn't press the issue anymore, partly because I was tired and partly because he basically ignored it and turned the phone off. I don't know if I believe him or not....but I am leaning towards not.
All in all though I would say it was a good night. I thought his "confession" to me was huge and also the way I reacted was good and maybe made him feel more comfortable about opening up to me.
I got the book "Not Just Friends" in the mail today...so I am off to read!
I didn't talk to H yesterday, I think he had to work most of the day and then up early this morning to work. He did just send me a text message asking if I had a good time the other night. I really like the way he is following up like that. That is something that I was always the one to do in the past and always really wanted him to do.
Michelle I started reading the book last night and as GF said, it is a hard read. It is really kind of painful, but I think helps you to understand how the affair got to the point it did. I would love for H to read it also, but I don't know if he will. It is a pretty long book and I have a long way to go. I think it is something you might want to invest in or at least see if they have it at the library.
Today I was having a hard time. I had a terrible headache at work and also I was having this urge to call H. I really think this is the hardest part (...other than the VERY beginning), things are going good...but I still don't know exactly where we stand. He did say he wants to go slow and I have to respect that.
I am finding myself craving more time with H, which is great because I haven't felt that way in a couple of months. So today as I was dealing with the urge to call H...my phone buzzes. It was H. He sent me a text message that said "Are you having a good day so far?" I really was surprised by this, he just hasn't done things like that since before the affair. We texted back and forth for a while and decided on cooking dinner together on Wednesday.
I went running tonight and when I got in my car afterwards, I saw H had called. His message said he was just calling to talk and see how I was doing and how my day went. When I called him back, he seemed really excited to talk to me.
I do think he is backing up his words with actions, although I am a little suspicious. I can't help it. I feel like I am just waiting for the next ball to drop, and I am scared to get too close.
I really think the book is helping A LOT. H has made me feel that I am being irrational and obsessive about his A. Everything I have felt is in that book. It really is validating my feelings while showing me how to work through them.
Kris, I'm sooooo glad you got the book! It really helped me a LOT, too! Btw, hope you're feeling better.
I believe your H is in fact following through with actions. That is excellent and truly wonderful to hear!
It's ok to feel leery. I felt that way many, many times in my sitch, but I think as long as your H continues to show a genuine effort on his part, those feelings will begin to subside.
Remember - this takes time and patience. A LOAD of it. Continue with GAL. Hope but do not expect.
Wednesday sounds fabulous!!!
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
. So he told me something, I am not going to get into what he told me because it would probably make no sense to anyone here...just me and him. It was really no big deal, but I would have been pissed and it probably would have been the breaking point if I had found out and he didn't tell me. 
I need to go, I will update the rest later.
So I ended up staying the night and even this morning he was saying that he wished he didn't have to go to work and could just sleep in with me. 
...I said "you know 'her who'" He said no, but I didn't press the issue anymore, partly because I was tired and partly because he basically ignored it and turned the phone off. I don't know if I believe him or not....but I am leaning towards not. 
