W didn't try and talk to me last night when I called D. D was so excite about today's birthday party and we talked for over 15 minutes. It was wonderful to hear the happiness in her voice.
Today I arrived at the birthday party site just a few minutes after W and D. I was early, but they still beat me there. D was really fired up to see me and I was excited to see her too. I was polite, I told W what I had brought for her, and even asked how her back was doing. I unloaded all the coolers filled w/ ice and drinks and lugged them to the party site. I helped set up and then concentrated on D and taking pictures.
W asked me to get her cell for her at one point as she was out waiting for people to arrive, so I did. I held the phone out clearly so she could see I wasn't trying to check it or anything and gave it to her. I did a couple of other small "favors" for W, but mostly stayed out of her way.
My mood was good. I was upbeat and friendly. I talked w/ people like I always do and didn't think I gave off any signs of being down. W was a bit cold and not very social, so I think my attitude was positive. Again, I spent almost all my time focusing on D and her needs and I didn't find myself looking around to see what W was doing.
One of W's closest friends and her two daughters were there and I was very sociable and friendly w/ them. I initiated conversations w/ her and made sure she, like all the other parents, had their drinks, etc. She responded very well and even if it was an act on her part, it made me feel as if I was giving off the proper vibes.
W was fairly decent to me and bordered at times on being nice. At the end of the party, W even reached over and picked some lint off of my shirt, so I have to look at that as a minor victory, don't I? I mean, she touched me on her own. Maybe it was OCD or something, but remember her story had been how she's afraid of me and how I'm a monster. Anyway, the DB books says not to overlook any small baby steps, so I'll call this one of those.
Around 1:30, we left and I loaded the last cooler into W's car. I wished W a happy birthday and then told D goodbye. I also asked W if calling at 7:30 would still be ok, b/c I didn't want to interfere if they had evening plans or something. W said they were going out to dinner, but she wasn't sure when, so I asked if she would call me if a 7:30 call didn't work. She said she would.
They left and I came home and sat down for a bit. I was very hot as it is in the low 90s today, so I cooled off in the living room and worked on transcribing texts from W and identifying the dates and times I'd called D to refute some of the false claims and exaggerations W is throwing at me.
Now, I'm going to head off to the gym, then come back and work some more. I have D tomorrow, so I need to write a test and study guide for my economics students by the end of the weekend, so I may look to do that now and get it over with.
I'll be talking w/ D at some point tonight and I'll keep everyone posted as to what goes on.
RTL my man! All the worry you had before about the party was for nothing. You did great by putting on a happy face, helping out and making it the best for Grace. You should update your signature line for D:5 - dont forget to bump your W up by one also.
Good job at the party. She must be blind if she can't see the changes you have made. She is not, so I am sure she sees and notices them. I am glad you have the strength to be reasonable and act in such a decent and "together" way. Hang in there K
Thanks for checking in and thanks for the kudos. I'm hoping she noticed, but even if she didn't, I chose to focus on my D and making sure she had fun and I got some good pictures. However, I've got to be honest, I hope it was a positive that I was upbeat and focusing on D so much today. I can only hope she noticed something and liked it.
BTW am I reading too much into her picking lint off my shirt?
The picture thing reminds me, this morning I received a text from W that said "CAMERA" and nothing else. I decided to give her our digital camera b/c not only did she ask for it, but I'm not too fond of it as it is a bit bigger and heavier than I'd like and when I was in DC (that is where I started my DB voyage, by the way) I had trouble taking clear photos w/ it at night. So, the long and short of it is, I was glad to give it to her so I can get a new one.
ANYWAY... yesterday I had reformatted the memory card and sorted through all the prints I had made a few weeks ago. I had the camera in the car already so I wouldn't forget it. I think W was pretty surprised to see the camera w/ all the pictures cleared off, a CD w/ all the prints, and a box of pictures for her. It is something I didn't do very well in the past as she was the one who was ALWAYS in charge of the pictures. It was a bit of a 180 for me to do this and maybe she noticed this too.
Well, I did manage to get myself to the gym and did 30 minutes of cardio then did a complete leg workout. I'm a bit tired and I'm trying to decide if I'm going over to a friend's house tonight or stay home and watch a movie. I'm honestly leaning toward staying in b/c I still have to get all of D's presents wrapped up for her to open tomorrow and if I'm going to exercise at all tomorrow, I've got to do it at 7 am and staying up and drinking tonight won't make that happen.
So, I'm not too sure right now. I have to give the dogs a bath b/c the younger one REALLY stinks. I'm waiting until I talk to D to decide whether or not to do this tonight as I want to offer her to help me tomorrow if she's interested.
That is it for now. I feel GREAT after the workout and need to focus on how to do this daily to keep this feeling. I really like the energy and confidence I have right now. Exercise will only help me to increase it.
W called at 5 pm while I was at the gym and my phone was in the car, so I didn't answer it. On her message, she told me that D had received two identical Barbie dolls, so we have a present for the party D's going to w/ me next weekend already. W did not address my calling at the usual 7:30 time like we discussed she would if there was going to be a conflict later b/c they were going out to dinner. Thus, I assumed that I was ok to call as I always do.
I called at 7:30 as usual but W didn't answer the phone. I left a message for D to have a good night and that I loved her, but also asked for her to call me so we could talk briefly. As is the case sometimes, W didn't have D call back, so another night goes by where I'm unable to tell my child good night or that I love her.
It is sad and unfortunate that W uses D to get to me. She doesn't know I'm disappointed and I won't let her know, but the fact she's doing it is wrong. My poor little angel. I'm sure she had a terrific day and I can't wait to see her tomorrow at 9 am.
Hi I was reading your post and it is nice to hear that there are dad's that care for their kids. I have a WAH who comes to see d twice a week for an hour a time (after I begged him)and does not make any other contact. d has been very ill and he does not even call to see how she is doing.
Sorry all of this is happening to you. Keep being the great dad u are.
RTL, Once I made this realization, things got so much easier for me...
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I'm also surprised about the anger and constant blame I'm getting from W. I really don't know if it will ever end. If it does, great. If not, I'll be ok w/ it b/c I know I'm doing my part and working on myself. I can only control me.
There will still be ups and downs but once this is point is understood, you are on the way to a better you. Like I said before as well, if she comes back great! If not you are better off and your future, whatever it may bring, will be better off.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
Welcome. I'm sorry to hear your H has little interest in your D. For me, it is a no-brainer, but unfortunately for others it is like pulling teeth to get them to be involved in the lives of their children.
I'm surprised on one hand and not surprised on the other that my W doesn't want me to have 50/50 time w/ D. On one front, I'd think she'd be overjoyed to know I want to spend that much time raising my D. On the other, for her to give up 50% would mean she'd also have to give up control. She is the one w/ the control issues in our relationship, even though I do have some history w/ it myself. However, if she loses that control, she wouldn't know what to do.
The loss of control may cause her to have to face her drinking problem instead of denying it as she's done since high school.
Thanks again for joining and I hope you'll come back by often.
I arrived at the meeting point at the same time as W and picked up D. D asked to go play at McDonald's for a bit, so we did then we stopped at a potential apartment complex for me on the way home.
Once home, we opened her presents and then D wanted to watch some SpongeBob and then Alvin and the Chipmunks. I have to admit that I had a tough time staying awake and dozed off during the Chipmunks movie, not b/c I didn't like it, but b/c I was so tired. Usually when I'm stressed, I sleep, so I think I was stressed about only seeing D for that day and when we got comfortable, my body gave out.
In any event, D scolded me for sleeping after about 30 minutes of a nap or so and I switched positions and stayed awake. D then said she wanted to go to the park and have sushi for her birthday dinner, so we got cleaned up and did both.
After dinner, we walked to the store and got milk. While we were at the store, D grabbed a book and had me read it to her, then we tried to call W, but were unsuccessful. After we left the store, I had D call W again b/c I wasn't sure if the 1st call went through b/c of being in the store, so she did and they talked for a minute and a half or so.
Once home, I let D ride her bike in the driveway, then we went inside, got dressed for bed in her new Kim Possible pajamas and she ate some more of her sushi (she always does this -- eats like mad prior to bed). I then read her a story and allowed her to fall asleep in my bed.
Once she was out, I took her to her bed and turned in myself. I really didn't want to get up this morning w/ the alarm b/c I know it means I'll drop off D and not see her until Saturday, but I have to go forward and take things as they come right now.
I'm off to the shower and I'll let you know more when I know it. I hope all of you have a great day and an excellent start to your weeks.
