Patience is key

[ping1]

Thanks Jen!

H called this morning to say he had picked up some things for us at the farmer's market. He'd also like us to go for a walk later because it's such a beautiful day.
He's definitely coming around but I know I have to keep my expectations low.

Exactly, keep your expectations low so you do not backslide and set yourself back more time. You are doing a great job, your H will be back soon enough, he is doing alot of thinking right now about the M. Stay low key and let him make the first move. Good job.

[addie]

Thanks for the support CBK and Ping.

I will be without a computer for the next few days. H is taking it (it's actually his laptop) when he goes away for his interview.
I'll get back to everyone in a few days. Hang in there!

[Kalni]

addie,
your attitude makes a difference, that's for sure. Whatever you do, keep doing it.

Love
K

[Kalni]

What's going on? Any news?

[addie]

Hi Kalni and everyone!
H got back tonight from his job interview and I have the laptop back. He won't know for a few days whether he got the job.
H called several times while he was away. On the first night he talked about how I've been there for him, how I've always been loyal, caring. How he's done things that have hurt me. At one point, he even mentioned that he needs to get counselling. Now, this is a breakthrough - he has never acknowledged that he has issues or that he should see a counsellor eventhough I have tried to get him to see one in the past. I don't think he's ready to go ahead and book an appointment but at least he is starting to think about it.
The night before he flew out, he hugged me tight about 5 times as he was saying goodbye and gave me a kiss on the cheek. During one of the hugs, I gave him a kiss on the cheek as well and he didn't pull back. He also mentioned that he cares alot about us (S11 and I).
When he called the second night he was away, he was more distant. Probably back into his tunnel.
When he came by tonight he was somewhat distant although he said he was tired from the trip. He hugged me when he saw me and again when he left. He also brought me a really nice bottle of Port.
It is obvious H is still confused by the way he reaches out and then retreats into his tunnel again. I am trying to remain fairly detached with few expectations but it's becoming more difficult to do.

[ping1]

That is great he is beginning to think Addie. Keep your expectations low, I know it is tought but it will only help you in the long run. Great to be getting hugs and kisses on the cheek and I am sure your H was tired from his trip when he got back.

[CBK]

Welcome back Addie - missed you! :-)

You are doing great with all these mixed messages - you are finding strength and staying tough. As I am finding out, detatching is difficult, but you seem to be realistic with your expectations.

So what did you do for YOU while H was away???

[Kalni]

... but you seem to be realistic with your expectations.

You do seem to manage that pretty well. They say that's one of the secrets of success around here.

K

[JenInVen]

Hi Addie and welcome back!

You seem to be doing so well! Your h is still on the roller coaster but the ride seems to be slowing down quite a bit!

Hope all is going well with all the classes you're taking.

Jen

[addie]

Ping, CBK, Kalni, Jen, thanks for checking in. I have been keeping busy even when H was away. S and I went to a movie and also out for ice cream. I work out regularly, have joined a walking group, and take several interest courses.

I don't know how realistic I am with the expectations. As H keeps reaching out more and more, it becomes more difficult not to develop any expectations, although I haven't shown this to H. In fact, I've been somewhat distant lately because I find I can detach better that way. However, I find I haven't really detached, I've simply buried all my feelings and am afraid they'll all come out at some point. I'm feeling frustrated with all the mixed messages he is sending. He is very confused and I don't want to be dragged into that confusion.