I have to say I am not being affected because I have had things going on that are taking up my time--end of year school activities, etc.
I choose to do these things and have a good time while H is elsewhere self-medicating. I know he is miserable, he told me so Monday night.
He has to get through this on his own.
He was so used to coming over, eating, etc. and now it will take him sometime before he can feel comfortable doing that again.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
SF I have been reading your thread good thing to stay busy and let your faith guide you seems by all logic Your H will have to reappear but maybe for now this is best the less comfort for him the better for them to see the truth
Alanon is very similar to DB..like could be sister programs they have meetings everywhere dealing with an active alcoholic is similar to dealing with a MLC
peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
A very important piece of information that you said is: "I know he is miserable, he said so himself"
Everyone on this board who is fighting for their marriage must remember this.
Their crisis IS NOT FUN. They have brief moments of happiness when with the OW/OM, but it is not what we think it is.
Other posters, MLC'ers have said the same.
They are just reaching for anything and everything, but nothing brings them the peace and stillness that a spiritual life can bring. Until they realize this, they will be miserable.
We have to guide them, show them our life of peace. Actions not words.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting....I'm sorry, I do have to humbly disagree. I think that in my H's case he IS happy and he is by no means miserable in his new R with ow, ....it's a choice he made, one he stood and stands for. It is as simple as that in our case. I honestly think he has no regrets.
It's hard, because for a long time I hoped I would have been a good enough wife and friend to him for him to now have regrets, but it is not the case. I have accepted that.
I'm sorry...that's just my humble opinion, and just 'my' case
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Yes I think thats true of my x.In the beginning he was miserable and unhappy but that was because he had hurt me and lied also his kids had no contact, but as time went on and I started to get better, moved house etc. he says he is happy and only regrets how he left our marriage not that he did. Not sure how much faith I would put to the statement ""I know he is miserable, he said so himself" after all waw's are not known for actually telling the truth are they or are we to believe they are miserable because it makes us feel better? Sorry I think there is a difference between exit Affairs and an A in MLC.
He only went back to ow's because he had nowhere else to go nor has he the money to get his own place, otherwise he said he would. He told me this more than once.
Here is what eats at me.
Last weekend, and this weekend, S17 sneaks out the front door and waits for H to pick him up and off they go out to dinner and where ever else they feel like going.
I am out of some basic necessities and I feel like if he can take S17 out to dinner every weekend both days, then he can certainly bring the girls something, even if it is only some milk. Heck, I am out of that, too.
MLC is the most selfish thing I have ever seen in my life but it so closely resembles my son's rebellious ways.
I have had not contact at all with H since Monday night.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Forgot to add that I would rather go without things then have to ask H to pick up a few items but since kids are involved, it sort of changes things.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
"They have brief moments of happiness when with the OW/OM, but it is not what we think it is."
THey used to but according to him has not been happy with her for awhile. Told me she is a really screwed up person, just like him.
He goes there for the reasons I stated above but I don't think of this as being about OW, it is about HIM and how he deals with HIS problems.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Oh Steelers sorry you are out of basic items is that because of funds or you didn,t manage to shop? Could you not keep in that long life milk for emergencies or powdered. You have ever right to feel cross that he treats son to eating out and doesn,t bother about his own daughters/ or you for that matter. Your son is behaving very badly to IMO and I hope you let him know that you are a family and that they support each other and stick together in difficulties, but then he is being v selfish to. This may be an odd question but does your H actually like women? Did he have any women collegues or friends he gets on with or likes and respects them? I am not suggesting for one minute he should treat OW well but she does put a roof over his head etc and yet he speaks badly of her and he treats you and your daughters with little respect. Glad you have been keeping busy and enjoying doing things. I guess for now thats all you can do. I hope you are not going to be cooking for H tomorrow and making him favourite things after him feeding himself and son and leaving the girls and you out. Take care.
Yes, he does like women and never had any really bad experiences with them.
No, I will not be cooking for him. And he has not even stepped foot in the house since he moved out almost two weeks ago.
I am out of necessities because I have teenagers who go thru them pretty fast and I can only buy so much and my money runs out.
I do know he loves his mother very much--she is the best MIL but he does wonder why she put up with his dad's behavior for so long. He is very controlling and it is usually his way or no way.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
