Do not despair when you try to fix your marriage by yourself and it doesn't work. I couldn't fix mine by myself, or with marriage counselors, either. I was like you once.
I remember reading that Dr. Phil said that we needed to ask our spouses for what we want. So I had a talk with my husband and I said, " I want to feel loved." And he said, "OK". (I can't even recall what he said he wanted, isn't that sad?) And then everything about our lives stayed the same. He didn't pay any more attention to me, he still came home from work, walked into the bedroom and watched tv all night. So that didn't work.
But Retrouvaille changed us and it changed our relationship. It wasn't counseling. It was just an eye-opening experience where we spent 48 hours opening up to each other. And since then, 15 months ago, everything has been much better. We learned to do 180's. We had no physical closeness except sex. So he had the idea to kiss me goodbye each morning. I didn't know what he was doing that first morning when he came over to my side of the bed. But just that one change was huge! So I initated kissing him hello when he comes in at night. Before he didn't even say hello. That's not as big a deal, but it's still a nice thing. These little nice things make a difference.
I know that my relationship is not the same as your relationship. But I hope that I can give you a sense of hope. Because it can get better, better than you think, if you stick with it.
