I think she's back

[mcojh]

Sara-
I haven't followed your sitch from the beginning, but I will weigh in anyway.

Before giving anyone an ultimatum, make sure that you are prepared for the worst answer. Instead of telling him that you want your marriage to work, try something similar to "I know I am going to have a great life. I would love for you to be a part of my life, but if you choose not to, that will be your decision"

Also, you say that you will get better once he makes his decision. This is giving him all of the control in the relationship. YOU control your own happiness. YOU control your PMA or lack there of. The sooner you take control of this, the better.

Good luck

MC

[hopeful4her]

Praying for you.

You sound like you a plan and will be sticking to it. I know it is hard to think about things right now, but be careful with your credit. You are going to need it.

[MichelleLT]

Sara, is your H's name on the mortgage?

If you end up leaving, I think Monday you need to file separation paperwork, get something in writing so that you can separate your finances.

You need to do what you need to do to be happy. And I understand that you cannot live like you are currently.

But take care of ALL aspects of yourself, including your credit.

[Starshyne]

Yes, H's name and mine are both on the mortage. And why wouldn't it be, you know? We picked out this house together and were a happily married couple when we bought it. How would I have known that things were going to turn sour.

When I say that I am waiting for my H's decision. I am talking about today. At 5pm. I am not waiting any longer. I think it is okay for me not to have a life or a PMA or all that stuff for a few more hours.

I am prepared for the worst. I have started packing my stuff already. And I will go to a lawyer on Monday to start seperating thing legally.

This is just so painful. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my cheast right now. I didn't know it was humanly possible to be in so much emotional pain.

[MichelleLT]

You sound determined and strong.

You should not wait forever and after all you have found out, today sounds like a good deadline for you. Your plan is good.

You will be fine. Eventually, not today. But you will be fine.

(((Sara)))

[JoieDeVivre]

Instead of telling him that you want your marriage to work, try something similar to "I know I am going to have a great life. I would love for you to be a part of my life, but if you choose not to, that will be your decision"

Sara,
Lots of good advice here. I particularly like what MC said as I said something similar to my H. I told him I, and our D14, would be fine. It definitely registered with him. I made sure I had mentally rehearsed for it. I was calm, strong and confident when I said it.

Also, remember the 48 hr rule. It's always good to think about things before acting ... but you probably feel you've already been doing that for the last few weeks.

You know you have a lot of people praying for you here.

((((( HUGS )))))

Joie

[Qwill71]

Yes people are pulling for you. be strong and i hope he drops OW. you sound like a person who is worth fight for. H is the one who is missing out on the best things in life. all he cares about is putting a knotch on the bed post.

May you find peace.

[JeffSTL]

Sara, Its Jeff - I know you have had it, I'm thinking of your finances. If you need to walk out and you don't have a plan, money for rent or a place to stay.

There is nothing wrong with waiting, open your own checking account, building up a nice balance, searching for good apartment, pack your stuff, talk to a lawyer and say nothing to H, he'll get the idea real quick what you are doing.

All I'm saying and I've always tried to give this advise in any situation, don't rush things, take your time. When my W does something like she did this weekend I can feel the anger building up quick and I want to explode, but I contain myself and think about what I'm going to do and say.

I know you hurt, you are a good person, please remember that, please remember it wasn't your fault, please remember, you will get through this, remember, take your time, think things out, once you have made a decision, it should give you some relief and you can begin to work on your new life.

Best wishes, take your time, talk to lawyer, work on your savings, pack, work on yourself, come back and help the rest of us. You have helped me, just by being their when I was down.
You have probably helped a lot of people in DB land.

JEFFSTL

[karen43]

Lots of good advice here already, so I just wanted to agree that you sound really strong and confident and I know you will be OK! My thoughts & prayers are with you and I hope everything will work out for you tonight! Karen

[Forrest Gump]

Wow.. Like I said.. a week is a long time.

You are better than all this Sara.

One day you are going to read back on all this..

How can you win? How..

What are you doing.. It does not matter if he is "seeing" someone else.

You are doing this to yourself.

All this.. Over what you think.

I don't even know what to say.

The simple fact is.. You need to stand up. Not in the way you think I am saying it.

This is just more of the same.

You are better than this!