I've been online here for most of the day while at work and I have to say that everyone is posting so nice and sweetly to eachother. It's great to read!
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
The tumor that Rush did was in my hand...called an epidermal inclusion.
The only news I have is they want to do a scraping of my uterus...like a D&C. CW, you seem to know alot about this, does that make sense to do that to try to remove things and then zap it to kill it? To me, scraping it all seems that it would just make it grow more...kind of like pulling weeds but not the root. Don't know how else to explain it.
I was catching up on threads I'm usually on and RTL said this relating to men and trying to stay connected or not.....
Also, Jack stated that he wouldn't be calling his ex a lot if he just wanted to be friends, and I'd have to agree. Men aren't good at the commitment thing, so the last thing we tend to do if we are trying to leave a relationship is to keep the connection going. We keep it going b/c we don't want it to go away. If we want it gone, we usually just go and don't look back. The male is wired quite a bit differently than the female in that regard......
Maybe it's an emotional day today, but that hit me badly. H doesn't try to make much contact with me. So maybe he's just done and this isn't MLC at all? I'd have asked this on the thread it was on, but it locked.
Dar, When H and I were S, he wanted nothing to do with me at all. I felt the same way you do...maybe its not MLC maybe he just wants out.
We know that men and women do not think the same way emotionally. We tend to read into everything, men don't. The fact that your H doesn't intiate contact doesn't really mean all that much.
When H did not contact me, I did not contact him. It came to the point that he didn't know anything going on with the kids because he never called to check on them and I finally decided if he wanted to know badly enough he would call...otherwise that I was not going to be his secretary!
H and I have reconciled...so the "maybe he's done..." isn't necessarily true. I felt the same way and I was wrong~!
Thanks Momof2, sometimes I just don't know. It's confusing and I really really need to seperate myself from his madness.
H was just baptized about 4 years ago now. He liked going to church with me and D and wanted to be part of our same religion. Now since this all started, he says he doesn't believe in God...to many bad things happen. Today I come to work and have an email from him. We have NC all weekend. He emails me letting me know he was on a spiritual retreat to walk a labyrinth and it was pretty cool and he'll have to tell me about it later for sure. WTH????
BFM, how does someone treat one the way God would while going NC? I'm asking for my own sitch and not necessarily SF's. I think she's doing quite great and being very loving during all this spinning. If you don't want to advise here due to the hijack, you can go to my thread too. Thanks!
Just from reading the last few posts, sounds like you're not strictly 100% NC.
What can you do?
First and foremost keep praying for him and let him know that you are when an opening happens in your contact with him.
Second, don't talk badly about him to him or to anyone else ever. You may think it, but it's best to keep it to yourself as those things will only come back to bite you in the butt later.
Him wanting to tell you about the spritual retreat is good. If he calls to tell you about it tell him that you have great respect for him for doing something like that or that you are so happy for him or just something nice about him going on the retreat.
When he does something good for your D or is being a good dad in some way, recognize it. Let him know how much you appreciate it when opportunity arises.
I prayed for a Christian man to come into FW's life. He now has about 5 that he talks with regularly. God didn't send just one he sent an army!
Our Sunday school just read a book, "Love and Respect". Basically it boils relationships down to a couple of simple facts. Women need to feel loved in a relationship and men need to feel respected.
It was amazing the response from the men in the class about how important being told that we respect them is to them.
I would maintain your distance, but if he contacts you use those opportunities to show him little things without pushing R talk or anything like that. Just that you respect him as a person and as a father and that you are praying for him.
Hope this helps.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
BFM, thanks for posting me. I didn't want to take up someone else's thread.
See, I'm learning from being here because I pretty much had all your suggestions in my head already.
H did email me more about the retreat and before getting your post, I emailed him back telling him I was happy he went and respected him greatly for trying it out. He hasn't replied but I hope it made him feel good because it's true and came from the heart. In his email before I sent it though, he said it's amazing how relaxed it made him and how he's still so relaxed. Good because he needed some R & R.
I haven't bad mouthed him at all. I don't think I've even done much of that here where I know no one. He's not being bad, he's just 'lost' and needs to find direction.
I have prayed for him as well as myself during all of this. I've prayed that God opens H's heart to Him and pray that He reveals to me the work I need to do on myself.
And, whenever he does nice things for D I've been acknowledging them. I know how she and I felt when he didn't come around at all and I don't want him to go back to that place for sure. It's nice to get recognized for doing things, even small things, so I've been making a point to appreciate it all.
I'm honored to have said the same thing as you though since you're quite wise. I think I'm learing the DB way more and more. I know I know finally! :)~
Learning the words without the actions is not finally getting it.
It is getting closer.....
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
