I see your point with the "getting rid of the cell" etc. THe whole time on here, I've known I need to do that, but have not been able to follow through. For me, just not responding was a HUGE step...remember, I fell in love with this man and he fell in love with me and...maybe not being in my shoes makes it hard for you to understand.
If you read the last post I made you will see my desire for marriage and maybe you can understand why my actions are having a hard time showing it. I was worried about the OM because I want to shelter my child from this...restraining order or not if I hadn't stopped it the way I did, my child would have been affected. Now, he will not. It is over. He will not call.
OF course I have wants and needs...I Am human.....I haven't had my wants or needs met for 13 years...there is a lot of anger. I realize the changes will have to start with me. I guess I was needing support in the fact that I am going to be making these changes with feelings of fakeness and anger and hope when I feel it is hopeless.
I do feel lucky we didn't divorce, but don't get this wrong...he was not WITH me through all this. He went to work, came to the house played with son, and went to his house every day for about 3 years. He was not WITH me. We were like ships passing in the wind.
I am trying to be positive and having you tell me to start with today is helpful encouragement. I do need to see the positives in him and go from there. Just believe me when I say that I have been in extreme pain for the past years of marriage and this is NOT easy.
I also understand the trust bank. I have hurt him. He has hurt me, too. I need him to fill up my bank as well. He has been emotionally absent from me for YEARS and I stayed with him.
I'm trying to be positive here, but I am in pain and the anger is coming out.
