I am having problems understanding your desires for your marriage. You state over and over that you want to save it and have received some very useful advice, but your actions speak differently. Getting rid of the cell phone is as easy as breaking it in your hands. Getting rid of the computer stuff is as easy as deleting the programs and files. It should have taken no more than 5 minutes to do both. There was no need to check the message from the OM and if you are afraid of his action...get a restraining order. But alas it appears from your post that you have not done any of this. Then you start to post about your WANTS and NEEDS. Sorry, but to save your marriage...the changes start with you. Your husband as been there for three years as you dragged him through the mud and destroyed your family unit..and you want him to change. My opinion is you showed feel lucky to have a friend that has been there through all that. Stop looking at everything negatively about him and focus on the positives, and start with most people would not have done this for you. Forget about the new relationship energy you are craving from the other men because they are just predators who have no concern for you, your children, or your family. See them for what the are and forget about them.
If you want to work on your marriage you need to start with your husbands trust bank. The trust bank builds within everybody to help them develop trust and open up emotionally with the depositors into the bank. Sadly it takes a lot of deposits to make up for one withdrawal (such as a very heated argument)and I am sure your husbands bank is overdrawn when it comes to your behavior. You know what will help build up his bank and that has to happen before you are going to really get what you want. It is now time to make up for the pain you have caused him.
Forget the past because that is what it is..learn from it but don't live in it...today is the first day of the rest of your life..make it worth it.
Why doesn't everybody on the board stop referring to you as whatdidIdo since this is a negative thought and start using the WDID acronym such as it can actually stand for Wife Did save her marriage...success is all in the mindset
