[color:#000099]yep kinda spinning....taking a tough stance seems like against everything i tried to change. putting up with it well it hurts, i just want him to want me thats all. I want him to want to close that chapter. sometimes i think i want to tell him i love him but i cant be in love with him like this.
OH sweetie, that spinning is the most painful and upsetting of spots, IMO. I still go there too often, it hurts, and I'm so sorry you are there right now.
Listen, 20 years ago in my first pass through 12 steps, my sponsor told me "it is okay to decide NOT to decide right now." That advice may apply in your situation. As long as you acknowledge it to yourself, that you are consciously deciding not to decide to day, maybe that will give you some breathing room to get back a little peace.
YOu've stated your boundary, and made a reminder. Maybe you can just let that hang out there, and spend the next couple of weeks getting strength, seeking counsel, and just listening for guidance. Then you can decide later, when you aren't spinning so fast.
