Cagz is really moving ahead Wierd...

[cagzmom]

thansk spm.

My younger friends are great. tehy make me laugh and i dont know they are good guys. the 24 year old is a beleiver and we share lots of stuff about God. He is a good kid---

Had my C session last night. He was very quiet - it was strange...I hadn't been for 2 weeks. yes your disfunctional friend still goes every week (have been since January 2007!!!) Anyway-- we were talking about letting go and how for me right now having nc with H is something i need to do. I told him how that was hard for me NOT because i want to talk to him, but because by doing that I feel like he is looking at me like a wimp who isn't over him-- like it empowers him. But on the flip side I haven't talked to him the last 2 softball games -- and it does help.

He explained me going nc like this. When I do talk to him I hang onto every last word (good or bad) that he said...and that keeps me from letting go. It kidna makes sense. Then we talked about the fact that I can still "see" into his life in some other areas...and how by doing that I am being similar to a drug addict....yet again the reference to my addiction..

he said that addicts will often drive by the places where they used to get drugs/sex etc. when tehy are trying to quit or have quit. and then tehy turn and say...why is the temptation so strong? why can't i let go.... It is because they "rekindle" or refuel that in them. They are making it harder on themselves tehn tehy need to.

So it is for me with H. Letting go...moving forward. I told him yesterday I am almost angry that I am at this stage as I never wanted to be here.....yet I am. and NOT because H chose it but because I need to do it for me to get my life back.

I keep thinking I have let go..and i believe i have. but i hold on to little pieces. NC will be good for me. With summer coming I will only have to see him every other weekend whne he picks up d11 and then I wnot have to see him even then. if s19 seems him it will be on neutral ground as s19 doesnt want to meet bimbo and since she is living there i dont know how they will see each other...

well off to a softball game...h told d11 he wont be there...and that is a good thing!!! =)