I can relate to many of the things you share in your post, and I am sorry to hear of how much this is hurting for you. I understand how sad and confusing this whole thing is. But in the midst of all this awful stuff, you sound strong--it takes strength to recognize some of these issues and to be taking steps to figure out what is going to help you get through this. First, it's just survival mode, then you get to living. Maybe we move back and forth between those two as things unfold. I'm still in "survival mode" so I can't speak to the next part really. But BND has loads of experience and you know yourself in this also. Keep posting here as a lifeline and take it very slow, hour by hour if you need to.
