For the guys with kids and a WAW

[rop]

h4h, maybe you should tickle her curiosity, 180 style. I did so many 180 that I don't know anymore at what side I am looking at. All of them completely ignored, until today - today I was listening to some classical music, an Opera, something very much not "me", when she called me at the phone, she WAS shocked - "since when are you listening to this kind of music???" - I said it is something I always loved, and unfortunately I neglected this part of me in the last few years, but now I am enjoying my old self.
She got immediately curious in how I am doing - she even said a bit bothered "you are doing TOO well". I have no illusion, you know that my sitch has very little chances, but it was good to see her a bit "shocked/interested".
In a great book about seduction I read that you have to tickle her curiosity, she needs space for fantasies, you give her a brick and she envision a whole castle. This is what happened with my W and OM - he said some crap about donating once is wage or whatever and in her mind he became the greatest philanthropist.
I agree with you about stop snooping - when I do it it kills me.

[hopeful4her]

Thanks, rop. Sounds like you had a little boost after that conversation. The little things that can give us pleasure. You are right on the "curious" part. Unfortunately, I have to be careful, or she'll turn around and try to have me guessing. I hate that.

Yesterday, S14 called from school saying that WW had not sent a fax allowing him to ride a different bus to go to a friends house. He tried calling her, but no answer. She has to turn off her ringer at work. I sent the fax and texted her that I sent the fax. She called me about 1 hour later saying she had totally forgotten because it gotten really busy at work. Short staffed. I asked how things were going and we talked about a client she had opened an account for. Older man, young girl. She felt bad because she had asked if her was her dad, but they were actually dating. We laughed a bit. It felt good to talk to her.

Got home and got the girls ready to go to grandmas to spend the night. No school today. I got ready because I wanted to go out. I had asked WW in the morning if she wanted to do something with me but didn't really get a response. I was not going to re-ask her. When she finally got home (at the time I figured. She must not have met him after work)she was acting tired. I told her a co worker had invited us to go to another fiesta event. She told me to go ahead and go. I said ok. I usually would have questioned or asked if she was sure she didn't want to go. When I left, the girls were fighting with each other. I'm sure you could see frustration on my face and I was trying to get out of the house. WW told me to have a good time and had a look on her face. Hard to explain what it was. Like, have a good time but I pray you don't do something you shuld't. Probably the look I usually give her. Felt good, actually. Had her thinking now. After we left, I had the girls call WW to apologize for fighting. WW asked to talk to me and sounded like she wanted to say something. Almost reluctantly, she again told me to have a good time and be safe. I said ok and I will see you later.

Didn't want to get tangled in traffic downtown, so I called the girl that has been calling me and I asked if anybody was doing anything. She said she and another friend of ours were going to get together at a local fancy Mexican food restraunt and I should meet them. Had a few beers and bought them margaritas. We had a good time and laughed about stuff. When she talks she always grabs my arm. Feels good. We left and I started home a little earlier than I wanted to. Girl calls me back to thank me for the drinks. We talk a while about stuff going on in her life. She is about to become a grandmother. At 37. I couldn't imagine.

I'm not sure if she is pursuing me or just being a friend. I am not going to try anything. Sometimes I think I should. It does feel great to talk to someone who is interested in wanting to talk to you. Or to want to have lunch with you. The little touches feel really good. But I know what I want. I want my wife. I hate the detachment from her, but I know it is necessary.

When I got home, WW had cleaned up the house again, rearranged D6 and D11 room completly, cleaned kitchen, and made some fajitas for dinner. She was still working in the girls room. She asked if I was hungry, and I told her I had a few snacks. I didn't. I noticed the food was still out. For me? She would have put everything away before. Not leave the food out. I put the food away and she asked how the event was. I told her I didn't go because of traffic. I could tell she was waiting for me to elaborate and she wanted to ask. She didn't ask and I didn't tell. I helped her do a few things aroung the house and hung a mirror in the girls room. Told her I was going to bed as I had to get up early. She told me she would follow and told me goodnight.

I got up extra early for an early day at work. I tried to wake up WW when I left. She couldn't get up. I asked her if she wanted me to wake her in 15 minutes and she said yes. I left and called her back. Good morning sunshine. She says good morning. Wakey, wakey, eggs and baky. We talk a bit. Nice sleepy conversation. I am upbeat and tell her to have a wonderful day. You too, she says. I'll talk to you later. Bye.

[lodo]

Hey hopeful,

this all sounds pretty positive and I'm glad you're enjoying some fun in your own life, getting some interest that lets you know you're a desirable man, and seeing some positives from your W.

As I'm sure you're aware, don't read too much into things. It's really easy to jump from a positive interaction to thinking you're on your way to reconciliation. Fight that thought big time! Try to just keep doing what you're doing in the way you're doing it.

hope your weekend is good - lodo

[hopeful4her]

Thanks, dude. Yeah, just going to keep on trucking along. WW has told me that she out after the school year. She has set timeframes before, but still at home. We'll see. I at least have until that time. I don't know if my posts sound positive. I guess they do. Not sure if they are in real life, though. I have gotten my hopes up before, only to have them crushed. Usually my fault because I did not have patience.

Lodo, do you think that the age difference had or has anything to do with you sitch? My WW has mentioned our diff before.

[lodo]

My W has told me a couple times over the years that she's noticed the age diff, but I don't think it really matters. She's now involved with someone who's older than me, and she's hanging out with other grad students that are 9 years younger than her. IMHO I think age difference is used as an excuse when there is some other problem that isn't being mentioned/dealt with. Within bounds, of course - some age differences would clearly impact the R.

lodo

[hopeful4her]

I think her issue with age diff is that I'm by nature a very serious person. Tendency towards grouchy. I have tried to change this in me. Little patience. I had tons of patience before the kids. Now she sees me like my father. I have made great strides in this behavior change. Be more happy go lucky and enjoy each new day. Smile more. That why I had the girls call her after we left. I know my face was showing the old me. Impatient. Lets go. Hurry up. I now have learned that life is to short to be too serious.

[rop]

Age diff is a non issue - just an excuse. I said to C today that W said she is worried to build a family with OM because he is 12 years older the her - he told me to read between the lines, that she gave me a clue there maybe trouble in paradise, because age cannot be the issue, just an easy excuse.

[hopeful4her]

Went to pick my D's at grandma's house. While there, D11 sits with me and starts to ask questions like, "If you and mom get divorced and get married to someone else, then if you have other kids...." I stop her and begin the talk that I have been wanting to have with her. I tell her that I know that mommy has talked to her and mentioned some things about moving. I told her that I was going to make some promises to her. Firstly, that I was going to do everything that I could to keep our family together. Everything. For them. Secondly, if mommy keeps on, then I am going to do everything that I could to keep them with me and not with her. She almost seemed relieved. She expressed that she is "kinda mad" at mom and has heard her say that she doesn't want to be married. She also told me that when two people get married, they make a promise to stay married. I agreed with her and reassured her of my priority. Keep the family together. I told her how much I loved WW, but I will fight to keep the girls with me. No bad talk. D11 even mentioned how she didn't like mommy's decisions. I also told her that I was sorry that she was feeling this and that I will never make her have to decide or choose. I told her that I was going to do that for her and sister. My heart was breaking.

WW does not understand what she is doing to everyone. D11 even said that if we can't agree on who get the kids, who are going to stay with? Again, I assured her that there are only three choices. We stay together as a family, they stay with me or with mommy. No one else. We left and D6 wanted to stay at grandmas. WW called and I told her to meet us for dinner at an Italian restaraunt. We had a good dinner. We all talked about our day. Had a good time. After, we walked to a bookstore to browse. I know that WW kept watching how D11 was walking with me and trying to hold my hand. At store, WW and I were being a little playful. We both ran to an empty chair to see who would get to sit. She left a little early to pick up nephew. D11 and I stayed a bit and left soon after.

On way home, I tell D11 that it was good to talk to her, but that it should just be between us. She then offers that maybe we should try to do even more family stuff to try to help mommy. I let her know that mommy and daddy really love each other and that sometimes we all go through hard times. God will help us. I also tell her how I have been tempted to leave but God told me not to. The Saturday before WW's stroke last November, I prayed for God to tell me if I should go or not. I was ready and then on Sunday WW goes to hospital. I got my sign.

At home, we all meet up and I start to watch my Spurs kick some butt. WW sits with me for a while watching the game and we are both eating some ice cream. D11 goes to bed and WW decides to sleep in room with her, as D6 bed is empty.

I have great kids. They know my intentions. If it comes down to the nitty gritty, they know what I plan on doing. Fight for them to be with me. I know that they all agree. They know my priority is to keep the family intact at all cost. If not, then mom is going to be alone.

I pray for her and I hope that God is getting through to her. I hope she "comes home" before it is too late. Do not intend to snoop, so I'm not sure where she is. Just going to keep doing what I've been doing. Positive signs? Not sure. I have been mislead before. My kids are making me stronger everyday. I am in love with WW and my kids.

[rop]

To have the support of your kids is invaluable - you are fighting the good battle

[hopeful4her]

The good thing is that I will have the support of my older kids (the little one is only 6)if WW wants to push me for a D. I didn't have to mention her A to them, either. The only reason for me to expose the A to them would be for me to really push WW and have her realize what she is doing before we get to D.

What are ya'lls thoughts? I still believe that WW is cake eating right now, possibley trying to get her ducks in a row. Can't really tell right now as I have really been detaching and GALing and being a great dad. No snooping. Still talking and acts of kindness. I know that she thinks that I have been in contact with an attorney.

I would like to hear thoughts on the exposure from what you gather in my sitch.

Roger