How do they walk away?

[theotherhalf]

I am so frustrated right now...I am so not good at this DBing...I want to hug my H...I hate going to bed alone....I miss my H so much, it's eating me alive...I do do other things...with my friends, etc..., my kids are so busy with sports and friends that sometimes I left sitting on my couch while son is outside playing and D15 is with a friend...I miss the inteaction with my H...just sitting around talking and smiling and him rubbing my legs, etc....it sucks, and I know I can't do anything about it, but it is eating me alive....it's been 15 months, probably longer that he's been with this OW on and off, mainly on...and he had a baby with another girl 8 years ago, so why can't I just hate him and go on...He's moved on, he is happy now, doesn't really bother him that D's aren't talking to him...
I made my home safe for H to come back, to try and work on our M, but all he does is take advantage of me and come over and cut his hair and shower in my house and then leave to go to OW house to be with her and have s** with her....someone tell me how they do that....do they really not care...it's so hard to comprehend when you are so torn up.....cause we are sane and they are not, but they think they are...

Am I going to open my door one day to someone serving me divorce papers...I am on the edge now, what then, I guess people will be visiting me in the looney bin....geez....can't I just smack the smile off his face....How can he be so happy, while I'm so sad?

I"m doing it all,everything, while he is screwing around and sleeping in and all comfy and cozy, and I'm struggling...shouldn't they be the ones to struggle and feel bad.

I know, I know,get over it....work on me...how do you do that when you wake up in the morning thinking about them and you think about them all day, and then when you go to bed you cry yourself to sleep because you want to reach out and touch them and they are not there.....aaaagggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! I just want the pain to go away....that's it....

Sorry, had to get that out or I would have blown.....

Butterflymom; How in the heck did you do it.? I want my family back and I haven't called him or anything, unless it has to do with the kids., I've given him space...I think he's loving that he doesnt see me, after all he doesn't want to be married anymore...

Treese, It's like you pulled my feelings right from my heart. I understand so well. This is exactly how I feel. And it IS SO frustrating. Even though our sitches are different. It's like we are alot the same. My name is Teresa. And you feel the same for you H as I do for mine.

This is so very hard and no matter what we do or don't it just doesn't seem to get any easier.

I am praying for you, hang in there...
TOH