for better,for worse,for (what)ever

[seekpeaceofmind]

I had C yesterday. What I really want is for my thoughts and feelings to catch up with my reality. I wish for my M to continue and H to come back but no real hope or reason to think that this will happen. I have been trying to stop wanting what I can't have, but it doesn't work that way. The wishes will be what they are - I just have to let them be while I live in the present reality. I am making my decisions on the reality and not my wishes, but it means that I have this conflict going on inside me all the time. I'd rather want what I have, but I just don't. I still miss H every day, often. I don't want to be stuck here, but I am.