Maybe your wife read the book.. She took it to heart.. And is acting "As If" she never had an affair.
If this is the route she wants to take then I will have to go with it. I think I understand now that I will need time for the effects of the A (and the circumstances around it) to wear off me.
Anyway we still getting on, she still likes the new me even though she still gets annoyed with me, but hey,Thats life.
Lan
PS: have you thought about working off line with MMB ?
I see you posting on others' threads and I figured you don't want to be cruel and tell us all about your 5 o'clock meetings and all...
I am happy things are going great for you, it wouldn't hurt us that much if you would keep us informed on the progress (but spare us the dreamy/mean details...)
Tonight W and I are out for the evening with BIL & SIL. This will be the first time W & SIL have met since W returned from planet alien. W avoided her throughout our sitch as she knows that SIL would have tried to talk some sense into her. Some damages has been done to their relationship, so I guess this is part of W's rebuilding exercise. This looks to be an interesting evening, I'll post a full update tomorrow.
Lanzo
Me:50 W: 49 T:20yrs M: 14 yrs D:11 2005 PA 2006: EA (2003 : 2007) 2007: April ILYBNILWY Aug PA, Sept Separate 2008: Feb Piecing 2009 Limbo 2011: Separated (same house) 2013: Divorcing
A couple of weeks ago W and I had a chat over dinner and she told me she was very happy the way things were going between us, when she asked me if I was happy, I said I was getting there, and when I got there none of what's gone on will really matter. I've since mention that I made an attempt at R talk and W went all alien on me so I've pretty much got to leave that now (noted and filed away).
During this week I was feeling pretty good about things so I sent W txt saying something like "I'm feeling happier day by day", I was quite surprised when W immediately phoned my back and said why the soppy text ? Anyway I laughed it off by saying I was just messing with my new cell phone, and I'm not going all mushy on her. So another thing for me to note and file away (no soppy test messages, just be myself). Anyway W's response is helping me to better understand the dynamics of the new relationship, which I suppose will be good for both of us in the long run.
Last night W and I went out for a night out with BIL & SIL (1970's & 80 soul and disco). The initial awkwardness was broken by the light hearted banter in the car when BIL and SIL picked up us. SIL and I had a brief chat in the club about how things were going and she acknowledged that if I was able to move forward with W and not talk about past event she would have to do the same. Just to remind you W had told SIL that I had walked out on her and D6 because I was accusing her of having OM in the picture which she categorically denied. When SIL confronted me I told her the full story and from that point on until now W had avoided SIL completely. Anyway that's in the past now and SIL reckons the two of them will be ok.
We all boogied well into the night, and a very good time was had by all.
Lanzo
PS: Kalni, I'm not really posting everyday cos the stuff that W and I do now seem quite normal so I don't feel the need to analyse our daily interactions to see if I'm doing right from wrong. However I will post more frequent updates for those who are following my sitch and want to monitor my progress.
Thanks for the update. I am glad the ice is broken. They may never feel as close again as they were, but their relationship could not stand in the way of yours.
It's ok you don't post much, we all understand you don't need to anymore. It's great that you are "there". I was just teasing you.
Lan, Glad to know you are booging and all. Part of piecing is to repair the extensive co-lateral damage with friends and relatives. Keep up the good work. You used to post very early in the morning, but I guess now you are busy with other activities at that time. But if you're at a loose end visit my thread and if nothing else paraphrase FG's cryptology for me.
Hi Sweetie, just wanted to pop in and tell you I haven't forgotten about you. Just kind of got tied up with some other folks on their threads.
Piecing is hard....that's a fact, but you are much further that you were. If W isn't ready to talk R....try to let it ride. I can understand her side, but it is hard to explain to the H. Just continue to try to be patient about that. I can also understand why she just wants to act as if the OM never happened. I think she just wants to move on and try to forget it b/c everytime she talks about him.....he becomes real again and it's like she relieves the A. She doesn't want to think about it. So, if there is any way you can just try to do this thing from a brand new start with a "beginner's mind"......that may be your best route. She still has her bad moments and this may last for a while. Remember.....it's a process.
If you have a need to still talk about the A and OM......do it here or with a C, but if she is avoiding it, you don't need to push her about it. Still use all the DB principles.......especially in "piecing". You have come so far and I am so proud of you! You two are going to make it, but you will never reach a point that you won't need to "work" at the MR.....if you want a good one.
Try to keep things from becoming routine or boring for her. That is not good.
It is so late and I have to get up so early and I don't know what I'm doing trying to even send a post when I'm this tired, but wanted to check in on you.
Take care sweetie pie.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I know you are a busy lady on these boards and your valued opinions are much needed elsewhere but it's good that you still check in on me.
Originally Posted By: Sandi2
I can also understand why she just wants to act as if the OM never happened. I think she just wants to move on and try to forget it b/c everytime she talks about him.....he becomes real again and it's like she relieves the A. She doesn't want to think about it.
I've seen you post this elsewhere so I know that for now I've just got to leave it, I saw the one time that I tried to talk R with W she went off being an alien so no point in pushing that now. Yes I do want to talk about some things, if anything to get some closure but if it's likely to set things back then best to leave it. To be honest the whole sitch is on my mind everyday but now I think about things without the emotion so I know I can cope well
Originally Posted By: sandi2
She still has her bad moments and this may last for a while. Remember.....it's a process.
Believe me I do have my bad days, sometimes I look at W and see the beautiful young lady I met and fell in love with, other days I just want to scream and shout at her for all the pain she's caused me, but I guess that will fade in time. I hope the bad dreams will as well, cos I have no control over them when they come.
So in the main we are doing well, I have to admit that W's actions are showing the way, I know she won't even comment on them in case they lead to R talk but I know we are moving in the right direction.
