i'm clueless....

[Dom R]

Heya.. sorry it was a rough day yesterday.

Hopefully, some direction in what to do about things, will help you feel more positive, and pick your spirits up...

He likes kids. He will even spend time with them when he happens to be in a good mood and there is no actual responsibility involved. My issue is not as much his time, but how he treats them. I know you say i can't control how he treats them, but only how he treats me, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it.

Ann... you need to accept him as he is. You need to accept that sometimes, he feels like being around them.. and sometimes, he doesnt.
If he is doing something ACTIVELY harmful, then intervene... but if he merely isnt spending enough time/attention with them.. you have to accept it. because you are not going to change him.

If you see ways in which he could improve his relationship with your kids... by all means suggest it to him. But tell him one time; dont nag him, and drop all expectation that he will actually FOLLOW your suggestion.

He MIGHT change over time, by himself. He might not.
either way, for your own sanity, and the health of your family/marriage.. you need to just accept him the way he is, in that reguard.

Once you do that, you will feel better that the burden that "you have to fix him", is no longer on top of you.



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Maybe the problem is that I don't know how to explain what i want. How do i tell him i want him to be more considerate? I think all that will do is confuse him. I give him examples: (like last night for instance) that if i'm sitting down and he knows that I'm in pain (cause i told him) that maybe rather than asking me to get up, that he could just do it.

Yup. That's exactly what you need to do. Give him specific examples.

How do i tell him what i need help with when i mostly only need help because he's upset? I don't want to give him a chore list,

Give him a chore list :p

it's what most men need and understand.

Really.

Or perhaps putting it better:
DIVIDE up the chores... but in no way should it be "equally divided", because YOU ARE PREGNANT!!

You should probably point out to him, that from even a legal standpoint, you are officially "disabled" !
People get "disability leave" because of pregnancy!

So he has no right to expect that you do anything close to an "equal" amount of chores now.

I think i'm fairly reasonable. I don't need gifts and flowers and romantic dinners, i need him to be a little understanding and i need him to be more considerate.

BAH-hahahah....

yes, you're very reasonable... if you were talking to another female

Saying that to a GUY, though, is about as reasonable as if your husband saying, "I'm fairly reasonable... I just want a little sex when I want it. whenever I want it. she should show me she LOVES ME. that isnt asking for much, is it?"



It wasnt reasonable when he pushed you for sex at 1am. because you need to be ready for it. It would be best if he got over his "guy" thinking, and thought in terms of your needs.

Likewise, it isnt reasonable for you to "just want a little understanding, and more consideration"... because he has no idea what that means. It would be best if you finally let go of your "I shouldnt need to tell him/explain ...", and thought in terms of what HE needs, to understand what to give you, and how to give it to you.

HE needs examples. YOU need patience, in continuing to give him specifics, even when you think it should be "obvious"
'cause to him, it probably isnt obvious.