my story adventures of a WAW!

[christarn]

Ping~ We did not work on the friendship...BIG HUGE MONSTER mistake looking back. Went straight from talking in a bar about working on things, to romance...and all in one night, if you follow me. My DB coach and I discussed this when I chatted with her last week, she felt that was probably huge in why things didn't take off and go well for us. From there, we would do things together, but it was never the same. I guess I thought, he had begged me to come back, he would be elated to hear I wanted to come home, and we would just go back to how things were...oh was I in for a shocker!!!! He was dating someone, and half-a%s dating me. He would tell me one week he wanted to work on things, the next week he didn't know, then he wouldn't talk to me for a week. It was crazy. So now, that I am WAY more stable and comfortable in where I am and within myself, the waiting thing is not as hard, especially if in the end, it means getting R/M with my H back on track.

I didn't just wake up one day, and decide hey I think we should work on things. It just kind of came to me. I really started missing him and not just physically. I missed talking to him, sharing things, having him there when I would come home from work to talk to, and then the other side physical missing, having him to eat dinner with, hold me, tell me it would be ok after a bad day at work...but at the end of the day, I just truly miss my best friend, and I had come to realize what it was that I had done. I do know one thing, had we gotten back together then, I don't think I would have been ready. I am just now starting to feel that I am physically and emotionally ready to deal with everything that has happened, and to be open and honest with him about what I was feeling when I left, and how we are going to deal with issues we have had in our past (communication, finances, possibly having children etc.) I know it will also be hard for him, and I'm praying he is doing more than just drinking that he is doing some type of reflection and introspection as to what part he played in the fall of our R/M.

Buenosuerte~ Never feel bad about hijacking a thread!! I do it all the time to my friend mike!!! Are you totally detatched, not talking. I would give him space and time. It is sad that your child has to suffer, but in the end, if you force the child upon him, he will just be resentful towards the child and towards you. Always remember to put the child first, you love and care for her and she is in great hands with you, that is all she needs. When he decides to get his head out of his rear, and make the baby a priority, he will. The more you push, the farther he will run. It's best in the long run of your R to sit down, and back off, even when it's the hardest thing in life to do. Have you read any of Michelle's books? I'm sorry, I will try to get over to your thread! I found them a little late, and then I really didn't start to "get it" I mean really understand the true meaning of DBing until about 6-7 months later and by then a lot of damage was done. I talked to a coach which helped some, but she would tell me things like don't call him or no contact, and I was like but I can't do that...I like to talk to him....but that's probably why I am still seperated 15 months later, and no contact in almost 4 weeks

hugs 2 u both
questions just ask, I am more than happy to share anything I can to help someone else out!!

Christa