I am not even sure I could find anything else that pays better. I just know I haven't looked and I am tired of getting deeper in debt each month. Eventually I won't be able to maintain and then I could be looking at losing my house.
On the other hand this job seems to be fairly secure and what if I leave for one that isn't? I know no gurantees in life.
Sigh, maybe I am just not strong enough yet to take a chance.
Thanks for the support cat.
It is horrible I hate my neighbors losing their house. They have 3 kids and got a notice from the bank they have 20 days. The other night they put a deposit on an apartment. I live in a new subdivision and I remember how happy they were to have a house and more room for their kids as they had been living in an apartment previously.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
You know I did delete my post earlier as being much too negative but my emotions are still very much all over the place, mostly down.
I know there are definite positives in my life. I know to look at them and focus on them rather than the negatives but for some reason I have always seemed to need to FEEL the down emotions for a while before I can turn myself around. I noticed that behavior during D's affair and the divorce. It seems the pattern is still the same.
I am also very tired today. I don't know if I am as physically tired or emotionally tired and down enough to be at the place to feel physically tired.
As weepy as I am today I would think it was PMS and hormones out of wack if I hadn't spent the past entire 4 weeks bleeding!
At least it is a beautiful sunny day and I hope I get a doggy home tonight.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
And here, more gems from "eat, love and pray", I particularly love the part about unhealthy thoughts:
I am assuming custodial responsibility for the maintenance of my own soul.
I can choose how I regard unfortunate events in my life, where I see them as curses or opportunities.
When I'm feeling too da*m sorry for my self I can choose to change my outlook, my words, the tone of my voice and how I talk to others.
You need to learn how to select your thoughts just like you select what clothes are you going to wear everyday, this is a power you can cultivate.
If you want to control things in your life so bad work on the mind, that's the only thing you should be trying to control anyway. Drop everything else, because if you can't master your thinking you are in deep trouble forever.
This is not about repression or denial, admit to the existence of negative thoughts and understand where they are coming from and with great forgiveness, dismiss them. It is a sacrifice to let them go, it's a loss of old habits, it takes practice and effort, it's constant vigilance, something you need to do this for yourself.
I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore. Harbor is a noun, it is a port of entry, place of refuge. Your mind is a harbor. It's an open bay with access to an island, yourself. You may not come here anymore with your slave ships of unhealthy thoughts, they will all be turned away, all malcontents, you may not come here, angry and starving exiles, cannibalistic thoughts will not be received. This is a peaceful harbor, the entry way to a fine and proud island which is now starting to cultivate tranquility. If you can abide by this new laws, my dear thoughts, then you are welcome in my mind. Otherwise, I shall turn you all toward the sea from hence you came, that is my mission and it will never end.
Longing and control, that's what your mind is fighting about.
Prayer is a relationship. Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Nothing wrong with a few negative thoughts. Everyone has those days - I know I do. You may have seen my posts! LOL! Sometimes I find if I let go completely - buy a package (or two) of Haagen Dasz ice-cream and wallow in self pity for a day - I come back much stronger when I am ready to come back.
Also sometimes when I am afraid - I do the fight, flight or freeze thing. I do a lot of the freeze thing (since there is no P to fight with at the moment) - especially when I feel like I am too tired to reign in my fears and just give in.
And I notice and relate to all those other people that had bad things happen - and I have convinced myself that all those things will happen to me. And that's fine too. I know I am frozen by my fear - and after another pint (or two) of ice cream, I take itty bitty baby steps that will lead me out of my position.
It is possible that you will end up in a worse new job. It is possible that you will get fired from that job. It is possible that the company will go belly up. Then you will just have to look for another job.
Well - the first teeny weeny itty bitty step is to find your old resume. The next step to get your resume ready. The next one - just apply for one job. The next - another job. And then go to the interview with the goal of getting the offer. You do know that just b/c you get the offer - you don't have to accept - you can stay in your old job. Why decide whether you will accept a non-existent offer for a non-existent job when you can put that one off till you have the offer!
I do things like that all the time too! I can get myself completely worked up about all sorts of things that have not happened and may never happen.
I also saw my neighbors living behind me loose their house and my neighbors in front of me loose their jobs during a stint of unemployment - I froze up completely with that sick feeling in my stomach too!
Take the day off from angst - or perhaps give into it completely. And then after engaging in your decadent act of choice (mine is ice cream) b/c all is lost anyway and why not just give in to all the things I normally control! LOL! Then when you are ready take a deep breath and take that first teeny weeny itty bitty step and focus on just getting through that first step.
Pam, As I suggested earlier today, take a look at some online job sites. Just look and see what's out there. Then just like a dating site, send your resume to as many places as possible. These are all imaginary people (sorta like here)
You may be surprised at the response you get. If not, don't worry. I send out job announcements weekly and there's always new ones coming up. I get about 100 resumes a day to peruse. So don't take it personally if you don't get a response. Thing is, it's a baby step for making a positive change in your life. When you told me how long it'd been since you'd had a raise, I was "gobsmacked" (learned that one from K)!!!
Conquer one thing at a time and right now it's money you need so get those resumes out. If you want to send it to me to look over before you submit it, I'll be happy to do so.
